School's out and kids are home. If you're the parent of high school kids, you're already used to vacation times with them at home--especially during the holidays. But if you're the mom or dad of a first-year college student, this visit back home might surprise you.
Some parents already had a small taste of homecoming at Thanksgiving, but for many, the winter break is a roller coaster of anticipation, surprises, and also misunderstood messages.
First, whether you like it or not, the teenager who moved out in the fall is not the same kid who's coming back home for break. At least, that is what he thinks. In your child's mind, he or she is now fully emancipated, and has had a whole semester of pretty much being independent. You need to understand that a "whole semester" is pretty much forever, right? And that includes the very grown-up behavior of staying up as late as she wants to, going to class whenever she wants to, attending any parties that she wants to--you know, doing pretty much everything without checking in with Mom or Dad to see if it's okay.
Of course, in your mind, your kid is still your kid. That's reasonable. But don't be surprised if she casually informs you on her way to meet someone else that she won't be home until late. And "late" may mean tomorrow. And then she will look at you with utter and genuine shock when you remind her to be home by midnight.
Then there are the high school friends whom your son or daughter hasn't seen in months! So, sometimes what happens is that even though your kid's laundry is home for break, his actual body is probably somewhere else, catching up with high school friends--that's right, the same friends he has seen on Facebook or has texted every single day since graduation way back in May.
Often what parents want more than anything during this time home is the last thing that kids have in mind. So, my advice is to get ready for this, and to head off frustration by having a plan that includes talking about what you'd like to do during break. Tell your child who is now all grown up what your expectations are for going out, coming home, drinking, and spending time with the family, but tell them in a way that includes them.
Don't make the mistake of just laying down the law. Instead, let them know that you acknowledge the fact that they've been living independently and that you respect that, but that you also have hopes to spend some quality time with them during this break.
Ask what some of the activities are that they would like to do while they're home--both with friends and with family. Ask them to tell you about what their plans might look like and then suggest that you both work together so that they get to see friends and stay out, but at the same time you get a commitment for some family time. As in most things, humor and flexibility will be the key to success, and your son or daughter will take his or her cues from you.
It's a wonderful thing to have the kids home! Even if it does seem as though they're out and about more than they are in with you.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
WARNING, WARNING: high school senior in the house!
Negotiating your relationship with an adolescent is sometimes tricky, but then I don't have to tell moms that--do I? But tricky or not, you can do it, and the reward is a good one.
I think it's tougher during senior year than any other year before that. Your baby is probably bigger than you by now and has his or her mind focused on living completely in the moment while the rest of the world is shouting the message that adulthood is just around the corner (college, college, college!), and what you get is the potential for some pretty unusual behavior.
Senior year is the time when parents and kids lapse into the occasional "freak out" moment. It is a natural occurrence really. Consider this: the sign of having been a successful parent is that your kid is ready to be independent. That's what you've raised her to be--independent. Able to manage life on her own. And now that the time is almost here for that to start happening, you realize it's not really what you wanted after all, is it? You'd much prefer that your baby just stop growing up and stay an adorable child at home forever. OK, I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. Many moms tell me that what makes this a tough time is the realization that very soon, their kids really will be adults--which means leaving. And that makes moms sad.
The reaction for many parents, then, is to apply the emergency brake. STOP!!! And of course, that sends a conflicting message to your kid. Increasingly, you've been adding responsibilities and freedoms, so this sudden "braking" lands on kids in weird ways. "Mom, I'm almost 18, and I haven't had a curfew since I was a sophomore. What's going on?" Or, "Mom, I can drive to the dentist by myself, you know. You don't have to come with me." Stuff like that.
But guess what? You're not the only ones feeling conflicted here. In fact, your kids are far more confused than you are--though they may never admit it to you directly. Think about it: for most of their lives, the message they've heard is "when you're an adult, . . ." and now that time is looming. They practically are adults, and they are both excited by the prospect of all that adult freedom they've been dreaming about while simultaneously not really having much of a clue about how to manage it. Especially the boys! Most boys are only looking at what's going on right now, not really thinking about the future. Girls are a little better at projecting, but then when they do, they get nervous about all the uncertainty ahead.
Both boys and girls, however, do the one thing we've been preparing them to do all along, and that is suddenly (well, it usually seems as though it's suddenly), they decide to become even more independent. And that means leaving you out of their decision-making process or not telling you what they're doing, where they're going, whom they're with.
Their actions of asserting more independence just so happen to coincide with your actions of putting on the brakes in order to hold on to them as children, and as a result, we have ample opportunities for conflict to occur.
And if that weren't enough, almost every teenager faces a moment or two during the last year of high school when he or she is actually AFRAID of what the future means. So, right smack in the middle of all their newly discovered "adultness," they have these tiny moments of doubt or loss, and they often don't know how to handle that. In fact, it freaks them out--but they keep it inside or they at least they think they do. The reality is that that doubt manifests itself in mood swings, strange behavior, or occasionally wanting to be closer to you again--briefly. Very briefly. And then they're off being their obnoxious teenaged selves once more.
So, how do you handle it? Good question. Let me know when you figure out the answer, and the reason I say that is because seldom are two families exactly alike. So much of how you handle this phase of your kid's development (and yours, too, really) will depend on the patterns you've established over the years for communicating with one another. My first suggestion is simply to be aware of what might be happening, and that will carry you a long way.
We are the adults, so it's our responsibility to exercise judgment, patience, wisdom. Just as we've always done. And then I'd add one more thing, and that would be to laugh a lot at ourselves along the way. Not at our kids, mind you, but at ourselves. We all know that if we don't laugh, we''re very likely to cry, so personally I choose to laugh as often as I can. Or try to.
What a great time to be a parent, really. Let me know what you think.
I think it's tougher during senior year than any other year before that. Your baby is probably bigger than you by now and has his or her mind focused on living completely in the moment while the rest of the world is shouting the message that adulthood is just around the corner (college, college, college!), and what you get is the potential for some pretty unusual behavior.
Senior year is the time when parents and kids lapse into the occasional "freak out" moment. It is a natural occurrence really. Consider this: the sign of having been a successful parent is that your kid is ready to be independent. That's what you've raised her to be--independent. Able to manage life on her own. And now that the time is almost here for that to start happening, you realize it's not really what you wanted after all, is it? You'd much prefer that your baby just stop growing up and stay an adorable child at home forever. OK, I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. Many moms tell me that what makes this a tough time is the realization that very soon, their kids really will be adults--which means leaving. And that makes moms sad.
The reaction for many parents, then, is to apply the emergency brake. STOP!!! And of course, that sends a conflicting message to your kid. Increasingly, you've been adding responsibilities and freedoms, so this sudden "braking" lands on kids in weird ways. "Mom, I'm almost 18, and I haven't had a curfew since I was a sophomore. What's going on?" Or, "Mom, I can drive to the dentist by myself, you know. You don't have to come with me." Stuff like that.
But guess what? You're not the only ones feeling conflicted here. In fact, your kids are far more confused than you are--though they may never admit it to you directly. Think about it: for most of their lives, the message they've heard is "when you're an adult, . . ." and now that time is looming. They practically are adults, and they are both excited by the prospect of all that adult freedom they've been dreaming about while simultaneously not really having much of a clue about how to manage it. Especially the boys! Most boys are only looking at what's going on right now, not really thinking about the future. Girls are a little better at projecting, but then when they do, they get nervous about all the uncertainty ahead.
Both boys and girls, however, do the one thing we've been preparing them to do all along, and that is suddenly (well, it usually seems as though it's suddenly), they decide to become even more independent. And that means leaving you out of their decision-making process or not telling you what they're doing, where they're going, whom they're with.
Their actions of asserting more independence just so happen to coincide with your actions of putting on the brakes in order to hold on to them as children, and as a result, we have ample opportunities for conflict to occur.
And if that weren't enough, almost every teenager faces a moment or two during the last year of high school when he or she is actually AFRAID of what the future means. So, right smack in the middle of all their newly discovered "adultness," they have these tiny moments of doubt or loss, and they often don't know how to handle that. In fact, it freaks them out--but they keep it inside or they at least they think they do. The reality is that that doubt manifests itself in mood swings, strange behavior, or occasionally wanting to be closer to you again--briefly. Very briefly. And then they're off being their obnoxious teenaged selves once more.
So, how do you handle it? Good question. Let me know when you figure out the answer, and the reason I say that is because seldom are two families exactly alike. So much of how you handle this phase of your kid's development (and yours, too, really) will depend on the patterns you've established over the years for communicating with one another. My first suggestion is simply to be aware of what might be happening, and that will carry you a long way.
We are the adults, so it's our responsibility to exercise judgment, patience, wisdom. Just as we've always done. And then I'd add one more thing, and that would be to laugh a lot at ourselves along the way. Not at our kids, mind you, but at ourselves. We all know that if we don't laugh, we''re very likely to cry, so personally I choose to laugh as often as I can. Or try to.
What a great time to be a parent, really. Let me know what you think.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Guten tag!
Today I'm writing to you from a very overheated and noisy German cafe, surrounded by über-hip and ultra-thin twenty-somethings who are all dressed like models right out of a Vogue or whatever fashion magazine it is that trendy people read. I should add, I am not one of the trendy nor one of the hip nor anywhere even close to anything resembling skinny, so if you were to meet me here today, it would be pretty easy to figure out which one is me: the old, bald American guy by the window.
I'm in Munich this week to talk to kids about studying in the US. It's a city I love, and I wish I could visit here more often. Not because of this particular cafe, mind you. No, I'm happy to leave these venues to the kids. I love Munich for other reasons, mostly though because it's really different from home, and thus forces me to think about things I normally might not think about. And that's the point of this post this week.
I don't like to use the word should often, but there is certainly plenty of reasons for our kids to spend some time abroad during their college years. Being plunked into an environment where thought and language are different is good for the brain and the soul. There is no better way for kids to learn about point of view than to surround them with people who have a decidedly distinct point of view from what they're used to. Granted, they don't have to study overseas for that, but being in a foreign culture is a terrific way to experience life from a new perspective.
Overseas, kids will quickly learn to negotiate the day-to-day intricacies of life in a different culture. They'll also learn new language skills and that will eventually lead to an expanded way of seeing things. They'll test their values, maybe even their limits, and they'll come home changed. They'll have more to offer in general and they'll be able to add "a semester in Shangai," for example, to their resume. But more importantly, I think, is that living abroad gives kids a broader context of what the real world is.
Sure, sipping lattes among the cool people doesn't necessarily guarantee any added wisdom by itself, but waking up each day to a new language and a new set of challenges that can range from observing legal systems to business ventures or being asked to explain political issues or literary technique creates a wealth of opportunity for kids to grow, to learn, to become more equipped with dealing with current world issues once they come home.
So, a short piece today, inspired by this loud cafe on Odeonsplatz--if it were a little quieter in here, perhaps I would write more! Talk to your kids about a semester or year abroad. International study is a remarkable opportunity.
Let me know what you think.
I'm in Munich this week to talk to kids about studying in the US. It's a city I love, and I wish I could visit here more often. Not because of this particular cafe, mind you. No, I'm happy to leave these venues to the kids. I love Munich for other reasons, mostly though because it's really different from home, and thus forces me to think about things I normally might not think about. And that's the point of this post this week.
I don't like to use the word should often, but there is certainly plenty of reasons for our kids to spend some time abroad during their college years. Being plunked into an environment where thought and language are different is good for the brain and the soul. There is no better way for kids to learn about point of view than to surround them with people who have a decidedly distinct point of view from what they're used to. Granted, they don't have to study overseas for that, but being in a foreign culture is a terrific way to experience life from a new perspective.
Overseas, kids will quickly learn to negotiate the day-to-day intricacies of life in a different culture. They'll also learn new language skills and that will eventually lead to an expanded way of seeing things. They'll test their values, maybe even their limits, and they'll come home changed. They'll have more to offer in general and they'll be able to add "a semester in Shangai," for example, to their resume. But more importantly, I think, is that living abroad gives kids a broader context of what the real world is.
Sure, sipping lattes among the cool people doesn't necessarily guarantee any added wisdom by itself, but waking up each day to a new language and a new set of challenges that can range from observing legal systems to business ventures or being asked to explain political issues or literary technique creates a wealth of opportunity for kids to grow, to learn, to become more equipped with dealing with current world issues once they come home.
So, a short piece today, inspired by this loud cafe on Odeonsplatz--if it were a little quieter in here, perhaps I would write more! Talk to your kids about a semester or year abroad. International study is a remarkable opportunity.
Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Time to talk about MONEY!
Wherever you are in the world, I hope it's as gorgeous a day there as it is here in St. Louis today. And I'm not talking cool, crisp fall weather either--no, think 75 degrees, and sunny! Unbelievable. But let's not talk about weather. Let's talk about money.
Money is often the element that produces the most stress for people when their kids are looking at colleges, and for good reason. Sending a kid off to an undergraduate institution is tantamount to buying (and paying for) a brand new car every year for four years. Even with financial aid, some folks are still paying a big chunk of change to send their kids off--even at state schools. In fact, sometimes particularly at state schools!
So, a quick financial aid primer. I'm starting with the basics. You need to become familiar with the FAFSA website (www.fafsa.ed.gov) which every college will ask you to submit. Those letters stand for the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. You submit it in January of your son or daughter's senior year in high school--not sooner. The fine people at FAFSA evaluate the info you've submitted and then determine what they think you can afford to pay, sending that info off to the colleges where your child is applying.
The second form that many schools will ask you about is the CSS Profile, which is on the College Board's website, and is not free (www.profileonline.collegeboard.com.) Submitting that form is a similar process, but the information requested is a little more detailed. You should do that as soon as possible during your child's senior year.
Each college will respond to the information generated by those forms differently. And this is the key to remember: financial aid offices are independent of each other, and therefore, the aid package that you receive will vary from institution to institution. How they process the info and what info they take into consideration--not to mention the actual amount of money they have available--will be different at each school. For example, once a student of mine received no financial aid because her father, who had been absent from her life since she was two, refused to submit financial records and that particular college's financial aid office required the information. Period. At another college, however, that same kid received a generous aid package, accepting the fact that the father was not going to be a source of income for this kid no matter what. So, things can really vary.
My best advice is always this: Call the financial aid office at each school where your children are applying, and ask for their guidance. Their job is to help make it possible for qualified kids to attend their institution. Most of them really want to help you. Even at the school that offered no money to my student above, the financial aid officer was genuinely sympathetic, but her institution's policy kept her from being able to help the kid.
Also, remember that aid usually comes in a package that consists of four parts: federal money that you don't have to pay back (grants), private money that you don't have to pay back (scholarships), a combination sometimes of federal and private money that you do have to pay back (loans), and occasionally the option for a student to have a campus job to cover basic expenses (work-study.)
For a really good explanation of all these options with a wealth of sources, go to the US News & World Report Education section on "Paying for College." Here's the link: http://goo.gl/2WJOs It's a wonderful resource that parents need to know about.
But remember, the best source to get the best answers you need is usually going to be the very people who give the money away--and that would be the good people in financial aid themselves. So, make a friend in every financial aid office where your kid wants to go to school, and ask your questions of that person. Don't try to bargain with them because it won't work, but do be honest in your concerns, and you will find that in most cases they will be really helpful. After all, they deal with these questions EVERY day. It may feel new or unusual or uncomfortable to us, but it's just routine for them. In fact, one financial aid dean told me that it is often the really unusual stories that are the most interesting to his staff. Go figure.
Best of luck! College is expensive, but it doesn't have to be out of reach. And there are people who can help.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Hey, Mom! Wanna take the SAT?
I just read a terrific story posted on unigo.com, by a 57-year -old woman who decided to take the SAT. Sue Shellenbarger, who was challenged by her son, wrote the story for the Wall Street Journal, and I've included the link at the bottom of this post. I think it's a brilliant idea--not taking the SAT at age 57 (or at any age beyond, say 18 or 19 really), but expanding our point of view when it comes to the pressure our kids face as they go through the process of applying to college.
We all know that standardized testing is a drag, really. But what we probably don't realize is just how much of a challenge it is compared to when we took these kinds of tests--"back in the day." Shellenbarger points out that even the registration process is more complicated than it ever was for our teenaged selves. She also does a fantastic job of pointing out how kids today are more prepared for sheer endurance given that their school days and homework loads are also greater. And I really like the way she admits to reacting to the pressure of preparing for the test by doing all the things she warned her own kids never to do--procrastinating, getting depressed, and adopting sloppy study habits.
Then she puts an interesting neurological spin on the whole thing, relating declining math abilities to age--a sobering slant for sure. Enough said.
She goes through all the prep, taking practice tests, and she also goes through all the angst--just as many of our own kids do. In the end, she is a changed person. I'd like to think that I'm a slightly changed person, too, for having read about her experiences though I have no intention of taking the SAT or ACT ever again.
When I administered those tests as part of my job as a college counselor at a number of schools where I worked, I used to read through the questions to see which ones I could do, and if I knew all the vocabulary words I usually did fine with the reading and language questions though honestly I remember few things more boring to read than some of the passages on those tests where kids have to analyze and identify tone, purpose, style or content. The math questions I loved, secretly believing that I could do any math question thrown at me. Truth was, of course, that I couldn't. Math had gotten harder! Much harder than I remember from Mr. Link's eleventh-grade Algebra II/Trigonometry class, which is about as far as I got.
Standardized testing is a rough deal for many kids, no matter how we look at it. And my guess is that it would be a challenge for us adults as well--in fact, a bigger challenge than we might want to admit. By looking at how the process has changed, from a 57-year-old mom's point of view, I think we all become a little richer. I'm thankful that Sue Shallenbarger accepted her son's challenge, and I'm even more thankful that she wrote about it. You can see the story at http://www.unigo.com/articles/sat_review/?taxonomyId=760030
Let me know what you think.
We all know that standardized testing is a drag, really. But what we probably don't realize is just how much of a challenge it is compared to when we took these kinds of tests--"back in the day." Shellenbarger points out that even the registration process is more complicated than it ever was for our teenaged selves. She also does a fantastic job of pointing out how kids today are more prepared for sheer endurance given that their school days and homework loads are also greater. And I really like the way she admits to reacting to the pressure of preparing for the test by doing all the things she warned her own kids never to do--procrastinating, getting depressed, and adopting sloppy study habits.
Then she puts an interesting neurological spin on the whole thing, relating declining math abilities to age--a sobering slant for sure. Enough said.
She goes through all the prep, taking practice tests, and she also goes through all the angst--just as many of our own kids do. In the end, she is a changed person. I'd like to think that I'm a slightly changed person, too, for having read about her experiences though I have no intention of taking the SAT or ACT ever again.
When I administered those tests as part of my job as a college counselor at a number of schools where I worked, I used to read through the questions to see which ones I could do, and if I knew all the vocabulary words I usually did fine with the reading and language questions though honestly I remember few things more boring to read than some of the passages on those tests where kids have to analyze and identify tone, purpose, style or content. The math questions I loved, secretly believing that I could do any math question thrown at me. Truth was, of course, that I couldn't. Math had gotten harder! Much harder than I remember from Mr. Link's eleventh-grade Algebra II/Trigonometry class, which is about as far as I got.
Standardized testing is a rough deal for many kids, no matter how we look at it. And my guess is that it would be a challenge for us adults as well--in fact, a bigger challenge than we might want to admit. By looking at how the process has changed, from a 57-year-old mom's point of view, I think we all become a little richer. I'm thankful that Sue Shallenbarger accepted her son's challenge, and I'm even more thankful that she wrote about it. You can see the story at http://www.unigo.com/articles/sat_review/?taxonomyId=760030
Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Why your kids might hate fall
Happy Fall. I'm definitely a big fan of the season: cooler weather, gorgeous colors, pumpkins...the list goes on. High school seniors, however, might not be such big enthusiasts for this this time of year. For them, it's a pretty hectic couple of months.
First, there's the whole "I'm in my last year of high school" thing going on, which simultaneously scares them and thrills them. Graduation is in sight, yet it's still far enough away in a teenaged mind to allow them to continue to act like children--highly entitled children, mind you, but children nonetheless.
Then there is the entire range of things they have to do related to college admissions: giving up Saturdays for ACT and SAT, prepping for those tests, figuring out which schools to apply to, managing teacher recommendations, filling out applications and probably too many annoying supplements on top of that, writing and rewriting essays for the application, squeezing in a campus visit or two or three, wondering about interviews, and meeting not only with various admissions representatives on campus but also meeting with their college counselors. That list alone is enough to keep kids crazy.
Add to that all a kid has to do if she is playing fall sports of any kind, or in the fall play, Model UN, on the debate team, campaigning for a local candidate, or living out any other commitment that many kids take on. Some kids also work part-time or are in charge of laundry, cooking, carpools, shopping while parents work. We all know life is complicated, but nobody knows it more than a high school senior does.
If your son or daughter is hoping to play sports at college, you can add another level of responsibility. Recruitment is an intense and demanding process, often causing kids to have to deal with several coaches all at once, travel, maintaining or increasing performance times and goals, and sometimes enduring the sheer agony of just waiting to hear news from coaches or recruitment agencies.
It's no wonder then that we often forget the thing that kids are in high school for in the first place--you know, going to class. Doing homework. Getting good grades. Hmmm.
You can be sure, however, that the admissions officers haven't forgotten that last part. They expect that the first semester of a kid's senior year will also be a kid's best academic performance to date. If a kid is applying early decision or early action to a competitive institution, then that is DOUBLY true. Grades matter.
It doesn't seem fair, does it? The same semester that kids are the busiest socially, have the most psychological growing to do as they prepare to leave the nest, and need to focus on the nuts-and-bolts process of submitting college applications is also the semester they're expected to do their best academically. And of course, we parents "gently" remind them of all this, right?
No wonder many kids don't love fall the same way we do. My advice? Lots of TLC. Ask them what you can do to help and then listen to what they tell you. Give them permission not to get it all right all the time. Be patient, be forgiving, be kind. Listen. Step back. Breathe.
Try to see the world from their point of view; try to disconnect from your own point of view temporarily. Practice some empathy. Remember be good to yourself, too. You will need to be the best you can be in order to support your kid. I know it seems contradictory: letting go of your opinions while taking care of yourself, but it works.
And remember that every year tens of thousands of kids and their parents survive this season. You will, too.
Let me know what you think. Thanks.
First, there's the whole "I'm in my last year of high school" thing going on, which simultaneously scares them and thrills them. Graduation is in sight, yet it's still far enough away in a teenaged mind to allow them to continue to act like children--highly entitled children, mind you, but children nonetheless.
Then there is the entire range of things they have to do related to college admissions: giving up Saturdays for ACT and SAT, prepping for those tests, figuring out which schools to apply to, managing teacher recommendations, filling out applications and probably too many annoying supplements on top of that, writing and rewriting essays for the application, squeezing in a campus visit or two or three, wondering about interviews, and meeting not only with various admissions representatives on campus but also meeting with their college counselors. That list alone is enough to keep kids crazy.
Add to that all a kid has to do if she is playing fall sports of any kind, or in the fall play, Model UN, on the debate team, campaigning for a local candidate, or living out any other commitment that many kids take on. Some kids also work part-time or are in charge of laundry, cooking, carpools, shopping while parents work. We all know life is complicated, but nobody knows it more than a high school senior does.
If your son or daughter is hoping to play sports at college, you can add another level of responsibility. Recruitment is an intense and demanding process, often causing kids to have to deal with several coaches all at once, travel, maintaining or increasing performance times and goals, and sometimes enduring the sheer agony of just waiting to hear news from coaches or recruitment agencies.
It's no wonder then that we often forget the thing that kids are in high school for in the first place--you know, going to class. Doing homework. Getting good grades. Hmmm.
You can be sure, however, that the admissions officers haven't forgotten that last part. They expect that the first semester of a kid's senior year will also be a kid's best academic performance to date. If a kid is applying early decision or early action to a competitive institution, then that is DOUBLY true. Grades matter.
It doesn't seem fair, does it? The same semester that kids are the busiest socially, have the most psychological growing to do as they prepare to leave the nest, and need to focus on the nuts-and-bolts process of submitting college applications is also the semester they're expected to do their best academically. And of course, we parents "gently" remind them of all this, right?
No wonder many kids don't love fall the same way we do. My advice? Lots of TLC. Ask them what you can do to help and then listen to what they tell you. Give them permission not to get it all right all the time. Be patient, be forgiving, be kind. Listen. Step back. Breathe.
Try to see the world from their point of view; try to disconnect from your own point of view temporarily. Practice some empathy. Remember be good to yourself, too. You will need to be the best you can be in order to support your kid. I know it seems contradictory: letting go of your opinions while taking care of yourself, but it works.
And remember that every year tens of thousands of kids and their parents survive this season. You will, too.
Let me know what you think. Thanks.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Does your high school counselor know enough?
Today I read a blog post that kind of scared me. It scared me a little and it also bothered me a little, but I guess that's to be expected from blogs, right? I mean, a blog is meant to be a venue for some personal observation and opinion, and mine is no exception. But this one made me cringe a little both because the criticism was more on target than I wish it were and also because the people being criticized were high school counselors, whom I respect a good deal because I have been one of them. In fact, I still consider myself one even though I now do my work on an independent basis instead of through a specific institution.
Anyway, the writer's point of view was that most high school counselors don't know nearly enough about how the college admissions process works, and I'm afraid that at many, many schools that is true. The deck is stacked against them, the blogger wrote, because counselors are required to earn degrees in mental health related areas that have little to do with the "business" of admissions. Again, this is accurate at most schools--especially in the public school sector where a person must be certified by her or his state in order to become a counselor. That means the training is psychology-based, not college admissions-based, for most counselors.
Then, there's the issue of not having the funding at most schools that is necessary to travel to conferences or to visit campuses across the country. Add to that a caseload that could include up to 300 or 400 students and/or teaching a class or two, and you get a high school counselor who usually is faced with a hugely challenging job and very little support to get all of it done.
Of course, not every high school counselor is in this situation, but the sad truth, in my observation, is that most of them are. What that means is that no matter how much you like your counselor or how friendly and helpful he or she is, unless advising about college admissions is the main part of the job, the chances are that he or she is probably not up to date with national trends, does not know from first-hand experience was factors are influential in admissions, and doesn't think like a business person--and believe me, college admissions (or as it is known in some places, enrollment management) is largely a business issue.
So, how do you as parents work with that? Well, it's a good question. And the answer, I think, comes in learning as much as you can about how the process works. Educate yourself about admissions. Read journals, visit campuses, make appointments to talk with admissions and financial aid officers, surf the web, and browse the bookstores. Get lots of opinions from people who are in the business of admissions, and then make the best decisions you can. In many ways, it's like buying a new car.
And I guess I also want to say don't blame the high school counselor. Use that person as your ally, but don't expect him to have all the answers. Do your best to help the counselor get to know your son or daughter because the high school counselor is often the person who sends a personal recommendation on your child's behalf to the college admissions offices. At the same time, realize that many counselors just won't be current in this part of the work. Don't assume that, but don't be surprised by it. Focus on the great skills the counselor has regarding the way students learn, the way they interact with the world, the way they grow up--and look around for the practical advice you need about the business of admissions.
Let me know what you think. Thanks.
Anyway, the writer's point of view was that most high school counselors don't know nearly enough about how the college admissions process works, and I'm afraid that at many, many schools that is true. The deck is stacked against them, the blogger wrote, because counselors are required to earn degrees in mental health related areas that have little to do with the "business" of admissions. Again, this is accurate at most schools--especially in the public school sector where a person must be certified by her or his state in order to become a counselor. That means the training is psychology-based, not college admissions-based, for most counselors.
Then, there's the issue of not having the funding at most schools that is necessary to travel to conferences or to visit campuses across the country. Add to that a caseload that could include up to 300 or 400 students and/or teaching a class or two, and you get a high school counselor who usually is faced with a hugely challenging job and very little support to get all of it done.
Of course, not every high school counselor is in this situation, but the sad truth, in my observation, is that most of them are. What that means is that no matter how much you like your counselor or how friendly and helpful he or she is, unless advising about college admissions is the main part of the job, the chances are that he or she is probably not up to date with national trends, does not know from first-hand experience was factors are influential in admissions, and doesn't think like a business person--and believe me, college admissions (or as it is known in some places, enrollment management) is largely a business issue.
So, how do you as parents work with that? Well, it's a good question. And the answer, I think, comes in learning as much as you can about how the process works. Educate yourself about admissions. Read journals, visit campuses, make appointments to talk with admissions and financial aid officers, surf the web, and browse the bookstores. Get lots of opinions from people who are in the business of admissions, and then make the best decisions you can. In many ways, it's like buying a new car.
And I guess I also want to say don't blame the high school counselor. Use that person as your ally, but don't expect him to have all the answers. Do your best to help the counselor get to know your son or daughter because the high school counselor is often the person who sends a personal recommendation on your child's behalf to the college admissions offices. At the same time, realize that many counselors just won't be current in this part of the work. Don't assume that, but don't be surprised by it. Focus on the great skills the counselor has regarding the way students learn, the way they interact with the world, the way they grow up--and look around for the practical advice you need about the business of admissions.
Let me know what you think. Thanks.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Talk the talk
Let's talk about money.
College is expensive on many levels, and figuring out how to finance your kid's education can sometimes be challenging---especially when many selective private colleges and universities come to a number around $50,000 a year once you figure in not only tuition but room and board and books. Even the cost of state universities has risen dramatically in the last five years.
Applying to college can also be expensive. The application fee for each school can be as steep as $75 though some are free. Typically though, expect to pay between $40 and $60 a pop. If your kid applies to eight colleges, you're looking at a number in the neighborhood of $500. Add to that, the cost of taking SATs and ACTS, the cost of test prep, the cost of travel to visit campuses, and for many, the cost of independent counseling--folks like me. You can easily be paying thousands of dollars before your son or daughter is even admitted.
So, while I think that most of the expenditure is worthwhile--I mean, it is your kid's future we're talking about--, I also think it is really important to sit down together as a team to let your son or daughter know what is realistic and what isn't.
There is no shame to being honest, and there certainly is no shame in treating your kid like an adult in this scenario. Yes, you are still responsible for the financial piece of your child's education, but kids are capable of sharing some of the logic behind choosing where to apply and where to attend when it comes to how much it will all cost.
What you share, of course, is up to you. I recommend that you outline some basic figures that show what can afford to spend comfortably and also what you might be able to spend if everyone tightens the belt. I'd begin by explaining that you're not going to be limited by those numbers and that you want your kid to feel free to look at any college he or she likes, but that you all also need to be sure to identify schools where your ability to pay matches more closely to what things will cost.
You also want to make it clear that your child is not responsible for bearing the cost of his or her college education. In other words, he or she should understand that the pressure to pay for college is on you, the parent, but that you want him or her to understand what you are able to make work and what you are not.
Then throw financial aid into the mix. With the right financial aid package, a school that seems unaffordable can actually turn out to be cheaper than what you originally thought. Tell your kid that you will check out all financial aid options, too. Talk about the difference between need-based and merit-based aid, talk about grants, and talk about work study programs. The tone here should be one that is optimistic. The last thing you want is for your kid to worry or feel that she or he has to bear this burden of figuring out how to pay for college or that the only way he or she can attend is to find a big scholarship. Yes, that would be nice, but the number of kids who get scholarships large enough to pay for everything is very, very small. It can sometimes happen with athletics, but usually most financial aid is given on a needs basis.
If financial aid will be a big piece of the puzzle, then you also might want to talk about how that affects things like being put on a waiting list if that happens.
You and your kid should understand, for example, that if in March or April a college offers a place on the school's waiting list as opposed to being given a regular admissions decision, it's probably a better idea to turn down the wait-list offer and accept the definitive admission that has been received from another school. Financial aid is usually awarded in April, and by the time admissions officers are able to admit students from their waiting lists, it is often June or July, after much of the money has already been disbursed.
One of your jobs is to contact financial aid offices at schools your kid might be interested in and ask all your questions. Take notes. Write down the names of the people you talk with. Ask if you can call them back if you have further questions. Be sure to say thanks. Financial aid officers usually want to help you. Their job is to make it possible for the best kids to be able to attend their institutions.
You don't have to tell your kids everything about your financial situation, but it is a good idea to include them in the conversation to the extent that they understand what is and is not feasible. Of course, each family approaches the topic of money differently. Whatever you do in regard to having a conversation with your son or daughter about the cost of college, be sure that YOU will be comfortable with this topic first. Remember, the idea is to create understanding, to work together, and to ease some of the anxiety that surrounds the issue of paying for college.
Let me know what you're thinking.
College is expensive on many levels, and figuring out how to finance your kid's education can sometimes be challenging---especially when many selective private colleges and universities come to a number around $50,000 a year once you figure in not only tuition but room and board and books. Even the cost of state universities has risen dramatically in the last five years.
Applying to college can also be expensive. The application fee for each school can be as steep as $75 though some are free. Typically though, expect to pay between $40 and $60 a pop. If your kid applies to eight colleges, you're looking at a number in the neighborhood of $500. Add to that, the cost of taking SATs and ACTS, the cost of test prep, the cost of travel to visit campuses, and for many, the cost of independent counseling--folks like me. You can easily be paying thousands of dollars before your son or daughter is even admitted.
So, while I think that most of the expenditure is worthwhile--I mean, it is your kid's future we're talking about--, I also think it is really important to sit down together as a team to let your son or daughter know what is realistic and what isn't.
There is no shame to being honest, and there certainly is no shame in treating your kid like an adult in this scenario. Yes, you are still responsible for the financial piece of your child's education, but kids are capable of sharing some of the logic behind choosing where to apply and where to attend when it comes to how much it will all cost.
What you share, of course, is up to you. I recommend that you outline some basic figures that show what can afford to spend comfortably and also what you might be able to spend if everyone tightens the belt. I'd begin by explaining that you're not going to be limited by those numbers and that you want your kid to feel free to look at any college he or she likes, but that you all also need to be sure to identify schools where your ability to pay matches more closely to what things will cost.
You also want to make it clear that your child is not responsible for bearing the cost of his or her college education. In other words, he or she should understand that the pressure to pay for college is on you, the parent, but that you want him or her to understand what you are able to make work and what you are not.
Then throw financial aid into the mix. With the right financial aid package, a school that seems unaffordable can actually turn out to be cheaper than what you originally thought. Tell your kid that you will check out all financial aid options, too. Talk about the difference between need-based and merit-based aid, talk about grants, and talk about work study programs. The tone here should be one that is optimistic. The last thing you want is for your kid to worry or feel that she or he has to bear this burden of figuring out how to pay for college or that the only way he or she can attend is to find a big scholarship. Yes, that would be nice, but the number of kids who get scholarships large enough to pay for everything is very, very small. It can sometimes happen with athletics, but usually most financial aid is given on a needs basis.
If financial aid will be a big piece of the puzzle, then you also might want to talk about how that affects things like being put on a waiting list if that happens.
You and your kid should understand, for example, that if in March or April a college offers a place on the school's waiting list as opposed to being given a regular admissions decision, it's probably a better idea to turn down the wait-list offer and accept the definitive admission that has been received from another school. Financial aid is usually awarded in April, and by the time admissions officers are able to admit students from their waiting lists, it is often June or July, after much of the money has already been disbursed.
One of your jobs is to contact financial aid offices at schools your kid might be interested in and ask all your questions. Take notes. Write down the names of the people you talk with. Ask if you can call them back if you have further questions. Be sure to say thanks. Financial aid officers usually want to help you. Their job is to make it possible for the best kids to be able to attend their institutions.
You don't have to tell your kids everything about your financial situation, but it is a good idea to include them in the conversation to the extent that they understand what is and is not feasible. Of course, each family approaches the topic of money differently. Whatever you do in regard to having a conversation with your son or daughter about the cost of college, be sure that YOU will be comfortable with this topic first. Remember, the idea is to create understanding, to work together, and to ease some of the anxiety that surrounds the issue of paying for college.
Let me know what you're thinking.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tell a friend!
Hey, everybody! Earlier this year, I began writing this blog with two goals: one was obviously to offer some advice, based on my years of experience advising kids and their parents about college admissions; the other was to increase traffic to my website www.askjohnaboutcollege.com. This week, I am focusing on the second goal, and I'm making a concentrated effort to increase the number of visitors to the website so that they can learn about my work. I'm blasting out on Facebook, Twitter, Linked In, and via email.
It feels strange to me to be this bold in asking for something, but then again, I do believe that often the best way to go about getting what you want is to ask for it. So, I'm asking a favor this time around: please tell two people this week about my blog. That's all. Send them the link, or give them my email address (askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com.) Thanks.
Also, consider subscribing to the RSS feed. That way, you get the blog updates automatically. And remember you can always post comments or ask questions on anything related to college admissions. My hope is that people find this column a useful resource. I love writing it.
Last thing for today--it's October, so your high school senior should be pretty busy right about now with application materials. Check in. See what your son or daughter needs. If I can help, drop me a line.
That's it for now. Look forward to hearing from you, and thanks for spreading the word.
John
ps. for those of you with kids already in college, what websites are you following to keep up with trends on campus? Would it be helpful if I suggested a few resources for parents in this area, too?
It feels strange to me to be this bold in asking for something, but then again, I do believe that often the best way to go about getting what you want is to ask for it. So, I'm asking a favor this time around: please tell two people this week about my blog. That's all. Send them the link, or give them my email address (askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com.) Thanks.
Also, consider subscribing to the RSS feed. That way, you get the blog updates automatically. And remember you can always post comments or ask questions on anything related to college admissions. My hope is that people find this column a useful resource. I love writing it.
Last thing for today--it's October, so your high school senior should be pretty busy right about now with application materials. Check in. See what your son or daughter needs. If I can help, drop me a line.
That's it for now. Look forward to hearing from you, and thanks for spreading the word.
John
ps. for those of you with kids already in college, what websites are you following to keep up with trends on campus? Would it be helpful if I suggested a few resources for parents in this area, too?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
What is really fair anyway?
I love the questions you all ask.
Lately, many of the questions have been about testing, prep for testing, and extra time for testing. When you write to me, I write back; I want to answer your questions directly and privately. However, when the same questions come up over and over, I think that's a signal for me to write a longer and more general post. And such is the case this time.
I have a friend who taught in Santiago, Chile, where I used to work many years ago. Every time she gave her kids a math test, she would ask them if they needed more time to finish during lunch or after school. Her refrain was always, "I want to what you know, not how fast you know it." As you can imagine, she was a terrific teacher who was very much loved. She also was good at poking fun at herself, occasionally reminding herself when she couldn't remember something: "I knew it earlier, and I'll know it again in a few minutes, but right this second, I can't seem to remember what it is." (That's actually sounding more and more familiar to me lately, but that's a completely different digression!)
For a long, long time now, both SAT and ACT have been giving students with disabilities the option to have extended time on standardized testing, following more or less the same line of thinking as my friend in Santiago. Show us what you know, not how fast you know it. The outcome has been thousands and thousands of kids taking tests with extended time limits and scoring higher results to send to colleges. And obviously, when a student has a higher test score, her chances of being admitted to a particular college or university are also higher.
So, the rub comes from folks who argue that if their kid had extra time, he would also get a higher score. That line of thinking seems reasonable enough, and there may real validity in it. Truth is, I don't know. My guess is that studies have been done that support both sides of that argument, and from my personal experience of proctoring hundreds of timed testing situations, most kids finish most test questions within the parameters. But that really isn't my point.
My point is that regardless of the extra time allowed, many students who have already been coping in school for ten or so years with a bona fide learning disability are already so far behind that giving them fifty-percent extended time hardly compensates for the disadvantage that already lies in front of them in any testing situation. But it is something; it's a start. For kids who are crippled by anxiety, then the extra time creates some breathing space where they can think more clearly--something that their regular time buddies don't have to worry about often.
Of course, not every kid has the same ability or the same need, and providing extra time on tests is only one way that attempts to make an artificial testing scenario a little more fair. My guess is that for some kids who have learned to make adjustments successfully, the extra time really does give them an advantage over the regular kids, but in most cases, I'd argue that the extra time isn't ever enough to level the playing field of years of frustration or lack of genuine learning in the academic classroom. The system is not fair--no matter from which side you're looking at it.
To qualify for extended time, students have to demonstrate a history of one or more learning disabilities, and that usually comes in the form of a number of different documents from the school's records plus the signed and sworn statement of a medical or psychological learning specialist who has tested the child in question extensively. And even when there is demonstrated evidence of a genuine disability, the testing agencies don't always immediately grant permission for students to receive extra time. I've known parents who fought and fought and fought before they were able to be successful convincing the agencies that their children qualified for non-standard testing.
In the end, of course, college admissions officers don't know if a student took a test with a specific time limit or not because the scores are reported the same way--no distinction among regular-time or extended-time test scores. That idea was to increase equity among admissions circles so that all students would be considered equally from the beginning. Of course, we know that students are not equal, nor or they considered equal, but at least from the testing point of view, all of them are compared more or less equally by whatever number they have associated with their testing results--for those kids who choose to submit testing. Remember that some schools don't require any kind of testing results at all.
But what about later, on the job? Do those kids who had extra time get the same advantages by having later deadlines than their coworkers or competitors? Probably not. And as far as I know, only the military academies take this into consideration when looking at potential applicants. They are pretty clear in their admissions materials that students with disabilities who need extra time are not considered admissible because (they argue) they want students who will become officers who are able to make split-second decisions in the line of duty. Yet, I know hundreds of kids who struggled through school with disabilities who chose the military as a career and have risen through the ranks in spite of their learning obstacles.
The argument about not having access to extra time in the work place--especially a competitive work environment--is well taken, but then I wonder how many people actually look for or stay in careers where they have to demonstrate skills they don't have? Like doing things fast.
In fact, how many adults do you know who are classified as learning disabled? Somehow at cocktail parties or on the golf course, that detail never surfaces. As adults, we learn to absorb our disabilities--some would even say we outgrow them. Or we find careers that allow us to thrive doing what we do best and not doing what we're not good at. Those labels seem to fall away. Isn't that a good thing?
I've lived in six different countries and worked with the children of many different CEOs and foreign service officers--including several ambassadors. One particular ambassador was really pleased with the way school was going for his son, and he wanted to write a letter of commendation on my behalf as his way of showing his appreciation. I was honored. English was the ambassador's first language; he was charismatic among other leaders; he was well known. Yet the letter that he hand-typed for me, was so riddled with spelling and grammar errors that I could never use it.
Of course, this was a long time ago, and now spell-check or maybe even an administrative assistant would have caught the mistakes, but my point is that here was an eminently successful man who clearly suffered with a learning disability his whole life, and somehow, in the end it didn't make much difference to him.
We rise to find positions that meet our skill sets, no matter what our testing situation is for the ACT or SAT. Is it fair? Is the system hurting some kids and helping others? Does it make a difference? I don't know. What I know is that we muddle through it, each of us doing what we can to support our kids find the best ways to present themselves in their college applications. We power forward, we look for the good that we can hold on to, and we hope for the best. And, I hope, we also continue to see how we can improve the system so that it becomes better for everyone.
Lately, many of the questions have been about testing, prep for testing, and extra time for testing. When you write to me, I write back; I want to answer your questions directly and privately. However, when the same questions come up over and over, I think that's a signal for me to write a longer and more general post. And such is the case this time.
I have a friend who taught in Santiago, Chile, where I used to work many years ago. Every time she gave her kids a math test, she would ask them if they needed more time to finish during lunch or after school. Her refrain was always, "I want to what you know, not how fast you know it." As you can imagine, she was a terrific teacher who was very much loved. She also was good at poking fun at herself, occasionally reminding herself when she couldn't remember something: "I knew it earlier, and I'll know it again in a few minutes, but right this second, I can't seem to remember what it is." (That's actually sounding more and more familiar to me lately, but that's a completely different digression!)
For a long, long time now, both SAT and ACT have been giving students with disabilities the option to have extended time on standardized testing, following more or less the same line of thinking as my friend in Santiago. Show us what you know, not how fast you know it. The outcome has been thousands and thousands of kids taking tests with extended time limits and scoring higher results to send to colleges. And obviously, when a student has a higher test score, her chances of being admitted to a particular college or university are also higher.
So, the rub comes from folks who argue that if their kid had extra time, he would also get a higher score. That line of thinking seems reasonable enough, and there may real validity in it. Truth is, I don't know. My guess is that studies have been done that support both sides of that argument, and from my personal experience of proctoring hundreds of timed testing situations, most kids finish most test questions within the parameters. But that really isn't my point.
My point is that regardless of the extra time allowed, many students who have already been coping in school for ten or so years with a bona fide learning disability are already so far behind that giving them fifty-percent extended time hardly compensates for the disadvantage that already lies in front of them in any testing situation. But it is something; it's a start. For kids who are crippled by anxiety, then the extra time creates some breathing space where they can think more clearly--something that their regular time buddies don't have to worry about often.
Of course, not every kid has the same ability or the same need, and providing extra time on tests is only one way that attempts to make an artificial testing scenario a little more fair. My guess is that for some kids who have learned to make adjustments successfully, the extra time really does give them an advantage over the regular kids, but in most cases, I'd argue that the extra time isn't ever enough to level the playing field of years of frustration or lack of genuine learning in the academic classroom. The system is not fair--no matter from which side you're looking at it.
To qualify for extended time, students have to demonstrate a history of one or more learning disabilities, and that usually comes in the form of a number of different documents from the school's records plus the signed and sworn statement of a medical or psychological learning specialist who has tested the child in question extensively. And even when there is demonstrated evidence of a genuine disability, the testing agencies don't always immediately grant permission for students to receive extra time. I've known parents who fought and fought and fought before they were able to be successful convincing the agencies that their children qualified for non-standard testing.
In the end, of course, college admissions officers don't know if a student took a test with a specific time limit or not because the scores are reported the same way--no distinction among regular-time or extended-time test scores. That idea was to increase equity among admissions circles so that all students would be considered equally from the beginning. Of course, we know that students are not equal, nor or they considered equal, but at least from the testing point of view, all of them are compared more or less equally by whatever number they have associated with their testing results--for those kids who choose to submit testing. Remember that some schools don't require any kind of testing results at all.
But what about later, on the job? Do those kids who had extra time get the same advantages by having later deadlines than their coworkers or competitors? Probably not. And as far as I know, only the military academies take this into consideration when looking at potential applicants. They are pretty clear in their admissions materials that students with disabilities who need extra time are not considered admissible because (they argue) they want students who will become officers who are able to make split-second decisions in the line of duty. Yet, I know hundreds of kids who struggled through school with disabilities who chose the military as a career and have risen through the ranks in spite of their learning obstacles.
The argument about not having access to extra time in the work place--especially a competitive work environment--is well taken, but then I wonder how many people actually look for or stay in careers where they have to demonstrate skills they don't have? Like doing things fast.
In fact, how many adults do you know who are classified as learning disabled? Somehow at cocktail parties or on the golf course, that detail never surfaces. As adults, we learn to absorb our disabilities--some would even say we outgrow them. Or we find careers that allow us to thrive doing what we do best and not doing what we're not good at. Those labels seem to fall away. Isn't that a good thing?
I've lived in six different countries and worked with the children of many different CEOs and foreign service officers--including several ambassadors. One particular ambassador was really pleased with the way school was going for his son, and he wanted to write a letter of commendation on my behalf as his way of showing his appreciation. I was honored. English was the ambassador's first language; he was charismatic among other leaders; he was well known. Yet the letter that he hand-typed for me, was so riddled with spelling and grammar errors that I could never use it.
Of course, this was a long time ago, and now spell-check or maybe even an administrative assistant would have caught the mistakes, but my point is that here was an eminently successful man who clearly suffered with a learning disability his whole life, and somehow, in the end it didn't make much difference to him.
We rise to find positions that meet our skill sets, no matter what our testing situation is for the ACT or SAT. Is it fair? Is the system hurting some kids and helping others? Does it make a difference? I don't know. What I know is that we muddle through it, each of us doing what we can to support our kids find the best ways to present themselves in their college applications. We power forward, we look for the good that we can hold on to, and we hope for the best. And, I hope, we also continue to see how we can improve the system so that it becomes better for everyone.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
More About Testing
I fielded lots of questions about standardized testing last week, ranging from testing and class rank to extended time-related issues. Excellent questions. Thanks for writing.
The more I write about testing, though, the more I realize how important it is for parents to ask the questions and to sit down with someone who knows the answers so that your son or daughter presents his or her best possible testing self when it comes time to admissions.
Many of the questions people asked really had more than one answer--depending on specific things related to the individual kid. The answer for one family might not be the best answer for another because there are so many variables at play: things like the range of scores, the competitive nature of the college being considered, native language ability, GPA, class rank, and so on. In other words, it's important to have someone in your corner to help you through all this. That's where your school counselor comes in, or if that person is overextended or not as knowledgeable as you need him to be, then an independent counselor.
If your child is a senior, then be sure that your testing needs are taken care of NOW. There are very few testing dates available for this admissions cycle, considering that most selective schools have January as their deadlines. Of course, your kid can always test in January and February, too, but there's no guarantee that those scores will be available in time to affect admissions outcomes though they might--and at many state schools, a higher test score in the spring might even trigger more scholarship money. But my advice is to get that testing done now. See www.act.org and www.collegeboard.com for test dates, locations, and registration info.
And if your child is looking at Early Decision or Early Action, then October may well be the last time to take tests because the November scores may not be ready in time for decision-making.
There is a lot of media attention right now on testing, the difference between the two main tests, and whether or not testing is a reliable predictor of college success. Regardless of all the noise, most colleges sill require some kind of standardized test scores for admissions. My advice is to be organized about your child's testing. Be on top of it. Know which tests he or she will take and when.
Testing is important and test-prep is important, but keep in mind that test scores are only ONE fraction of the whole picture that contributes to an admissions decision. Some people may choose not to do any testing at all, and that's fine, too, provided that a student is content to limit himself to a list of testing-optional schools and provided that his GPA and other admissions factors are exceptionally strong.
If your child is in grade eleven, now is the time to begin planning a testing calendar for the second half of junior year and the first part of senior year. Next year's test dates are already available on the ACT and College Board websites. Good luck and let me know if I can help.
The more I write about testing, though, the more I realize how important it is for parents to ask the questions and to sit down with someone who knows the answers so that your son or daughter presents his or her best possible testing self when it comes time to admissions.
Many of the questions people asked really had more than one answer--depending on specific things related to the individual kid. The answer for one family might not be the best answer for another because there are so many variables at play: things like the range of scores, the competitive nature of the college being considered, native language ability, GPA, class rank, and so on. In other words, it's important to have someone in your corner to help you through all this. That's where your school counselor comes in, or if that person is overextended or not as knowledgeable as you need him to be, then an independent counselor.
If your child is a senior, then be sure that your testing needs are taken care of NOW. There are very few testing dates available for this admissions cycle, considering that most selective schools have January as their deadlines. Of course, your kid can always test in January and February, too, but there's no guarantee that those scores will be available in time to affect admissions outcomes though they might--and at many state schools, a higher test score in the spring might even trigger more scholarship money. But my advice is to get that testing done now. See www.act.org and www.collegeboard.com for test dates, locations, and registration info.
And if your child is looking at Early Decision or Early Action, then October may well be the last time to take tests because the November scores may not be ready in time for decision-making.
There is a lot of media attention right now on testing, the difference between the two main tests, and whether or not testing is a reliable predictor of college success. Regardless of all the noise, most colleges sill require some kind of standardized test scores for admissions. My advice is to be organized about your child's testing. Be on top of it. Know which tests he or she will take and when.
Testing is important and test-prep is important, but keep in mind that test scores are only ONE fraction of the whole picture that contributes to an admissions decision. Some people may choose not to do any testing at all, and that's fine, too, provided that a student is content to limit himself to a list of testing-optional schools and provided that his GPA and other admissions factors are exceptionally strong.
If your child is in grade eleven, now is the time to begin planning a testing calendar for the second half of junior year and the first part of senior year. Next year's test dates are already available on the ACT and College Board websites. Good luck and let me know if I can help.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Testing 1, 2, 3, Testing...
Here's a summary of standardized testing needed for high school students applying to college in the US, whose native language is English.
Most colleges require the SAT or ACT with writing. The SAT is scored on a scale of 200 to 800 in three sections (critical reading, math, writing), so the range of scores is 600 to 2400. The ACT is scored on a scale of 1 to 36 in four areas (English, math, reading and science) plus an optional writing section is scored on a scale of 2 to 12. The ACT sub-scores are figured into a composite score, ranging from 1 to 36.
The SAT is scaled so that the national average or mean score is around 500 in each area; the national average for the ACT is usually around a 21.
Colleges that require test scores will take either set of scores. One is not better than the other though students will sometimes test higher on one that the other. People who are experts about tests tend to describe the SAT as an aptitude test, one that predicts academic success at the undergraduate level, while those same people would describe the ACT as an achievement test, one that measures what a student has already learned. If a school requires one or the other, and your child chooses the ACT, be sure he or she also signs up for the optional writing test; otherwise, the college may not accept the ACT score.
The SAT and ACT are offered on Saturday mornings, and they do not conflict with each other on the calendar. It is important to register for the tests online early. You can find exact dates on www.collegeboard.com and ww.act.org. Usually extended-time testing takes place on the same dates at the same locations, but occasionally Sunday testing can be arranged. If a test date falls on a holiday where you have a religious conflict, both test companies can arrange alternate test dates. If a student misses a registration deadline, stand-by testing options often exist as well; details can be found on the testing websites.
Some colleges also require SAT Subject Tests, but the number of schools that requires them is getting smaller and smaller each year. Those schools are often among the list of highly competitive schools, and they use the data as another way to help them choose among already strong and qualified candidates. The Subject Tests are one-hour long, multiple-choice tests on specific subjects such as chemistry, literature, or US history. A student may take up to three tests in one day, but a student may not take both SAT and Subject Tests on the same day. Most colleges only require two subject tests; Harvard and Georgetown require three--however, check a college's website for admissions requirements to be absolutely sure which tests and how many are expected.
A growing number of schools has moved away from requiring any tests at all, and you'll hear of colleges that describe themselves as "test optional." That means that a student may choose to submit test scores or she may choose not to. If she chooses not to, then usually extra weight is given to other indicators of academic success such as the student's GPA, individual summer research projects, or academic recommendations. Sometimes a test score can help quite a bit; other times it just doesn't make a difference. See your counselor for specific info about your own child's situation.
Most kids begin their standardized testing in the middle of their junior year and finish at the beginning of their senior year. Again, you own testing plan will depend on your child's needs and goals and schedule of outside events. My general rule of thumb is to have a plan laid out by December of your child's 11th grade school year. You can always change the plan, but it's easier to do when you've made some preliminary decisions already.
Best of luck!
Most colleges require the SAT or ACT with writing. The SAT is scored on a scale of 200 to 800 in three sections (critical reading, math, writing), so the range of scores is 600 to 2400. The ACT is scored on a scale of 1 to 36 in four areas (English, math, reading and science) plus an optional writing section is scored on a scale of 2 to 12. The ACT sub-scores are figured into a composite score, ranging from 1 to 36.
The SAT is scaled so that the national average or mean score is around 500 in each area; the national average for the ACT is usually around a 21.
Colleges that require test scores will take either set of scores. One is not better than the other though students will sometimes test higher on one that the other. People who are experts about tests tend to describe the SAT as an aptitude test, one that predicts academic success at the undergraduate level, while those same people would describe the ACT as an achievement test, one that measures what a student has already learned. If a school requires one or the other, and your child chooses the ACT, be sure he or she also signs up for the optional writing test; otherwise, the college may not accept the ACT score.
The SAT and ACT are offered on Saturday mornings, and they do not conflict with each other on the calendar. It is important to register for the tests online early. You can find exact dates on www.collegeboard.com and ww.act.org. Usually extended-time testing takes place on the same dates at the same locations, but occasionally Sunday testing can be arranged. If a test date falls on a holiday where you have a religious conflict, both test companies can arrange alternate test dates. If a student misses a registration deadline, stand-by testing options often exist as well; details can be found on the testing websites.
Some colleges also require SAT Subject Tests, but the number of schools that requires them is getting smaller and smaller each year. Those schools are often among the list of highly competitive schools, and they use the data as another way to help them choose among already strong and qualified candidates. The Subject Tests are one-hour long, multiple-choice tests on specific subjects such as chemistry, literature, or US history. A student may take up to three tests in one day, but a student may not take both SAT and Subject Tests on the same day. Most colleges only require two subject tests; Harvard and Georgetown require three--however, check a college's website for admissions requirements to be absolutely sure which tests and how many are expected.
A growing number of schools has moved away from requiring any tests at all, and you'll hear of colleges that describe themselves as "test optional." That means that a student may choose to submit test scores or she may choose not to. If she chooses not to, then usually extra weight is given to other indicators of academic success such as the student's GPA, individual summer research projects, or academic recommendations. Sometimes a test score can help quite a bit; other times it just doesn't make a difference. See your counselor for specific info about your own child's situation.
Most kids begin their standardized testing in the middle of their junior year and finish at the beginning of their senior year. Again, you own testing plan will depend on your child's needs and goals and schedule of outside events. My general rule of thumb is to have a plan laid out by December of your child's 11th grade school year. You can always change the plan, but it's easier to do when you've made some preliminary decisions already.
Best of luck!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Hey, Mom, what do you want to know?
The Moms have been quiet this past week. I guess that's a good thing--if it means everyone is happy and content, and not a good thing if it means everyone is up to her eyeballs in organizing fall sports schedules, coordinating carpool, moderating homework, and trying to figure out who's cooking dinner. At any rate, this week's entry is short. I'll wait to hear what you all want me to talk about next.
One thing I will do is ask you to share this blog with other folks you know who have kids about to go through the college admissions process. I'd really like to be accessible to anyone whose needs might be met here. A mom can never have too many resources in my opinion. You don't have to follow me, but that would be nice. Most of you just send emails directly to my "askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com" account, and that's perfectly fine, too.
Also, don't forget to check out my weekly posts on www.askjohnaboutcollege.com. This week it was all about taking a look at real college students who have been featured on The Chronicle of Higher Education's podcast series. It's a very cool series.
And you know you can also follow me on Twitter at "askjohnabout." Geez, this is beginning to sound like a commercial!
Happy Wednesday, Moms! Let me know what's on your minds. You all do good work!
John
One thing I will do is ask you to share this blog with other folks you know who have kids about to go through the college admissions process. I'd really like to be accessible to anyone whose needs might be met here. A mom can never have too many resources in my opinion. You don't have to follow me, but that would be nice. Most of you just send emails directly to my "askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com" account, and that's perfectly fine, too.
Also, don't forget to check out my weekly posts on www.askjohnaboutcollege.com. This week it was all about taking a look at real college students who have been featured on The Chronicle of Higher Education's podcast series. It's a very cool series.
And you know you can also follow me on Twitter at "askjohnabout." Geez, this is beginning to sound like a commercial!
Happy Wednesday, Moms! Let me know what's on your minds. You all do good work!
John
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Meet Your High School Counselor
Last week I wrote about independent counselors; this week I want to write about your kid's high school counselor--or rather, your relationship with that person. Right from the start, I'm going to say that the high school counselor's job is a tough one--often rewarding, but more often thankless. I think many parents don't have a clear understanding of what a counselor's role is--especially in college admissions. I'm hoping to clarify a little bit here.
Depending on the size of the high school, most counselors are charged with getting to know anywhere from ten to 400 students (or more.) The encounters that counselors have with students are sometimes deep and intense, allowing a real relationship to develop--and that is usually a good thing. And sometimes those encounters are short and superficial. It all depends on a dozen or so factors, the largest of which is your counselor's case load.
I think the best way for parents to consider the counselor's role is to understand that he or she is an advocate for kids. Almost every counselor will say that he would like to have the time and means to know kids on a deeper level, but it's still pretty impressive the way that most counselors are able to connect quickly and meaningfully with many kids through short or impromptu meetings. When parents take the attitude that the counselor's desire to help is genuine, things always run more smoothly. That doesn't mean you might disagree about something, but make the effort to let your counselor know that you appreciate having him or her as an advocate.
At many schools, the counselor's knowledge of a student is limited to a file that contains standardized test scores, discipline reports, academic progress reports, report cards, and notes about scheduling. If you're lucky, your kid's file also contains notes from faculty, notes from other counselors, samples of your son or daughter's writing, photos, questionnaires he or she has filled out, notes from previous meetings, and other info that will help create a picture of who your child is.
The counselor's charge is to look out for your kid's best interests, and most of them whom I know take that charge very seriously. The info they collect is meant to help them do that. Trust them--they went into this line of work because they care about kids.
Something that helps counselors get to know kids in a different way is when they get to know you. So, at some point during each school year, my suggestion is to make an appointment to sit down with your high school counselor. Some schools encourage this kind of meeting and do it regularly and often; at other schools, the counselor is so swamped, that if all the parents decided to make appointments, then the counselors would never be able to do their work. Regardless, my advice is to let your kid's high school counselor or college counselor know you.
Make yourself an ally right away. Let the counselor know that you appreciate his or her work, and that you are happy to have one additional adult take an interest in your kid's well being. Share with the counselor anything that will help that person understand how your child learns best or anything that might explain behavior at school. Explain, without going into too many personal details, anything that you think is important for someone to know about your son or daughter. Keep your meeting upbeat and brief, but at the same time ask all the questions you have. Let the counselor know that he or she can call or email you with questions or information any time, and that you care about what happens to your kid at school.
Too many parents take the attitude that once their kid is in high school, he is old enough to handle things on his own. There's some truth to that, but not a lot, frankly. And regardless how capable your child is, YOU are still the parent. In my mind, that means being involved all four years of high school.
When it comes time to talk about the college admissions process, ask what you can be doing to help move it along. Keep in mind that applying to college is your kid's thing, not yours, but also remember that it is good parenting to keep an eye on the process, giving support when your kid needs it. The high school counselor can suggest ways for you to do this.
Here's another role the high school counselor plays, and it's perfectly okay for you to ask questions about this part: When your kid applies to college, one essential piece of information that the colleges will want is an official statement from your son or daughter's high school, and one that is usually signed or verified by a high school counselor. Sometimes it's just a simple transcript of grades, but if your kid is applying to a private college or to a selective state college, chances are good that the institution will also require a written statement from the counselor about your son or daughter.
The form that the statement can take ranges as do high schools across the country. In some places, it is a brief form letter, saying that the kid hasn't hurt anyone, and other places, the statement consists of richly crafted prose highlighting your prodigy's intellectual achievements from grade nine onward. In any case, the preparation of this statement will go more easily when the high school counselor feels that he knows your kid well, and you can help with that by meeting him or her once or twice during the school year,
In my last post, I added a light touch by suggesting you bake cookies for your kid's counselor. Well, you don't have to bake cookies, obviously, but a small gesture of some appreciate goes a long way with someone whose job is endless, often thankless, and very, very important. Get to know your high school counselor. You'll be glad you did.
Let me know what you think.
Depending on the size of the high school, most counselors are charged with getting to know anywhere from ten to 400 students (or more.) The encounters that counselors have with students are sometimes deep and intense, allowing a real relationship to develop--and that is usually a good thing. And sometimes those encounters are short and superficial. It all depends on a dozen or so factors, the largest of which is your counselor's case load.
I think the best way for parents to consider the counselor's role is to understand that he or she is an advocate for kids. Almost every counselor will say that he would like to have the time and means to know kids on a deeper level, but it's still pretty impressive the way that most counselors are able to connect quickly and meaningfully with many kids through short or impromptu meetings. When parents take the attitude that the counselor's desire to help is genuine, things always run more smoothly. That doesn't mean you might disagree about something, but make the effort to let your counselor know that you appreciate having him or her as an advocate.
At many schools, the counselor's knowledge of a student is limited to a file that contains standardized test scores, discipline reports, academic progress reports, report cards, and notes about scheduling. If you're lucky, your kid's file also contains notes from faculty, notes from other counselors, samples of your son or daughter's writing, photos, questionnaires he or she has filled out, notes from previous meetings, and other info that will help create a picture of who your child is.
The counselor's charge is to look out for your kid's best interests, and most of them whom I know take that charge very seriously. The info they collect is meant to help them do that. Trust them--they went into this line of work because they care about kids.
Something that helps counselors get to know kids in a different way is when they get to know you. So, at some point during each school year, my suggestion is to make an appointment to sit down with your high school counselor. Some schools encourage this kind of meeting and do it regularly and often; at other schools, the counselor is so swamped, that if all the parents decided to make appointments, then the counselors would never be able to do their work. Regardless, my advice is to let your kid's high school counselor or college counselor know you.
Make yourself an ally right away. Let the counselor know that you appreciate his or her work, and that you are happy to have one additional adult take an interest in your kid's well being. Share with the counselor anything that will help that person understand how your child learns best or anything that might explain behavior at school. Explain, without going into too many personal details, anything that you think is important for someone to know about your son or daughter. Keep your meeting upbeat and brief, but at the same time ask all the questions you have. Let the counselor know that he or she can call or email you with questions or information any time, and that you care about what happens to your kid at school.
Too many parents take the attitude that once their kid is in high school, he is old enough to handle things on his own. There's some truth to that, but not a lot, frankly. And regardless how capable your child is, YOU are still the parent. In my mind, that means being involved all four years of high school.
When it comes time to talk about the college admissions process, ask what you can be doing to help move it along. Keep in mind that applying to college is your kid's thing, not yours, but also remember that it is good parenting to keep an eye on the process, giving support when your kid needs it. The high school counselor can suggest ways for you to do this.
Here's another role the high school counselor plays, and it's perfectly okay for you to ask questions about this part: When your kid applies to college, one essential piece of information that the colleges will want is an official statement from your son or daughter's high school, and one that is usually signed or verified by a high school counselor. Sometimes it's just a simple transcript of grades, but if your kid is applying to a private college or to a selective state college, chances are good that the institution will also require a written statement from the counselor about your son or daughter.
The form that the statement can take ranges as do high schools across the country. In some places, it is a brief form letter, saying that the kid hasn't hurt anyone, and other places, the statement consists of richly crafted prose highlighting your prodigy's intellectual achievements from grade nine onward. In any case, the preparation of this statement will go more easily when the high school counselor feels that he knows your kid well, and you can help with that by meeting him or her once or twice during the school year,
In my last post, I added a light touch by suggesting you bake cookies for your kid's counselor. Well, you don't have to bake cookies, obviously, but a small gesture of some appreciate goes a long way with someone whose job is endless, often thankless, and very, very important. Get to know your high school counselor. You'll be glad you did.
Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
When Should I Consult an Independent Counselor?
I've been getting questions lately about the difference between a high school counselor and an independent counselor--good questions that merit some explanation, so here goes.
Your son or daughter's high school counselor is the "official" connection between your family and college. In an ideal world, that person would know you and your kid really well, would have vast counselor resources to help you through any transition you might need help with, and would have first-hand knowledge of many different colleges. The high school counselor's role is an important one, and it is only from the high school counselor that most colleges will accept an official counselor recommendation and official transcripts.
An independent counselor, on the other hand, offers nothing "official" to colleges though he probably has many connections to admissions offices and understands the nuances of the admissions process at a very high level. The independent counselor is an additional resource for families who are looking for every opportunity available to them and their son or daughter in the college admissions process.
I've been both a high school counselor and an independent counselor, and what I see as the main difference has more to do with time and resources than anything else. The role of an independent counselor should not be to replace the high school counselor, but to offer a family a second point of view so that the family can have access to as much information as possible in order to come to good decisions.
In some schools, the college advising is so good that there is little need for an additional or independent counselor, yet some families go that route anyway just to assure themselves that they're looking at all the right angles of admissions for their son or daughter. Nothing wrong with that.
At many schools the individual counselor's student load prevents her from being able to know all of her students as well as she might like to. A counselor's assignment can range from 10 kids a year at some independent schools to as many as 400 kids a year or more in some public schools. If your kid's high school counselor is working with more than 100 kids, then it might be good to ask yourself how much attention is that person going to be able to give to your son or daughter.
One factor that influences many parents to choose an independent counselor is also related to school resources. Few counselors in schools are able to travel as much as they would like to in order to visit college campuses and learn about admissions trends and special programs at various colleges and universities. Those that do tend to be from schools where the budget allows for that kind of travel, but the reality of today's economy is that fewer and fewer high school counselors have the financial support from their own institutions to make as many visits as you would probably like them to.
Some high school counselors have specific backgrounds in guidance and facilitating support for kids with special needs. That can mean that their specific experience or knowledge related to college admissions might be limited. I've met many wonderful high school counselors who don't know, for example, anything about trends in admissions or changes in SAT and ACT testing. In some cases, the schools where they work assign the college advising piece to them as an additional part of their responsibilities. For most independent counselors, college advising is the primary part of what they do.
Some high school counselors also teach classes, and obviously that means less time available for college counseling.
One counselor I interviewed a few years ago knew a lot about colleges in her own state but almost nothing about national universities or liberal arts colleges. Given that almost all of her students attended college in state, that was fine, but when a family was interested in sending their child to the East Coast, they had to look elsewhere for expertise.
Most high school counselors work very hard and are eager to help your children, but the reality is also that they are overextended at most schools, making valiant efforts to do an impossible job some days. The are often under-appreciated, too. An independent counselor recognizes that and approaches his job from the point of view that what he offers is an opportunity for families to have more immediate access to information and, at times, a greater range of suggestions and options to consider.
As an independent counselor, I offer families the ability to ask (and to have answered) any questions they have about the admissions process any time they have them. Thanks to online resources, I am available to people every day, almost all day, and can return answers to email or text messages usually the same day. That kind of access is not usually available from the high school counselor. My advice is frank and honest, based on what I know and the experiences I've had over the last thirty years. Sometimes families don't always like the information I give them, but then, I believe that if a family hires me, my obligation is to be as straight with them as I can. My web site details a complete list of services that I offer (www.askjohnaboutcollege.com), ranging from planning which standardized tests to take to crafting an excellent college essay for the applications.
As with most independent counselors, I make quick connections with kids. My goal is to help them discover and present their strengths and talents, giving them confidence in their abilities along the way. Of course, a good high school counselor will do that, too.
Your task as parents is to evaluate if the high school counselor is meeting all your needs. Many can and do, but just as many can't and don't and usually for no fault of their own. High school counselors are the closest thing we have to angels, and they often have impossible jobs. Be their friend. Bake them cookies. Let them know that you appreciate their work.
Let me know if the information here was useful for you.
Your son or daughter's high school counselor is the "official" connection between your family and college. In an ideal world, that person would know you and your kid really well, would have vast counselor resources to help you through any transition you might need help with, and would have first-hand knowledge of many different colleges. The high school counselor's role is an important one, and it is only from the high school counselor that most colleges will accept an official counselor recommendation and official transcripts.
An independent counselor, on the other hand, offers nothing "official" to colleges though he probably has many connections to admissions offices and understands the nuances of the admissions process at a very high level. The independent counselor is an additional resource for families who are looking for every opportunity available to them and their son or daughter in the college admissions process.
I've been both a high school counselor and an independent counselor, and what I see as the main difference has more to do with time and resources than anything else. The role of an independent counselor should not be to replace the high school counselor, but to offer a family a second point of view so that the family can have access to as much information as possible in order to come to good decisions.
In some schools, the college advising is so good that there is little need for an additional or independent counselor, yet some families go that route anyway just to assure themselves that they're looking at all the right angles of admissions for their son or daughter. Nothing wrong with that.
At many schools the individual counselor's student load prevents her from being able to know all of her students as well as she might like to. A counselor's assignment can range from 10 kids a year at some independent schools to as many as 400 kids a year or more in some public schools. If your kid's high school counselor is working with more than 100 kids, then it might be good to ask yourself how much attention is that person going to be able to give to your son or daughter.
One factor that influences many parents to choose an independent counselor is also related to school resources. Few counselors in schools are able to travel as much as they would like to in order to visit college campuses and learn about admissions trends and special programs at various colleges and universities. Those that do tend to be from schools where the budget allows for that kind of travel, but the reality of today's economy is that fewer and fewer high school counselors have the financial support from their own institutions to make as many visits as you would probably like them to.
Some high school counselors have specific backgrounds in guidance and facilitating support for kids with special needs. That can mean that their specific experience or knowledge related to college admissions might be limited. I've met many wonderful high school counselors who don't know, for example, anything about trends in admissions or changes in SAT and ACT testing. In some cases, the schools where they work assign the college advising piece to them as an additional part of their responsibilities. For most independent counselors, college advising is the primary part of what they do.
Some high school counselors also teach classes, and obviously that means less time available for college counseling.
One counselor I interviewed a few years ago knew a lot about colleges in her own state but almost nothing about national universities or liberal arts colleges. Given that almost all of her students attended college in state, that was fine, but when a family was interested in sending their child to the East Coast, they had to look elsewhere for expertise.
Most high school counselors work very hard and are eager to help your children, but the reality is also that they are overextended at most schools, making valiant efforts to do an impossible job some days. The are often under-appreciated, too. An independent counselor recognizes that and approaches his job from the point of view that what he offers is an opportunity for families to have more immediate access to information and, at times, a greater range of suggestions and options to consider.
As an independent counselor, I offer families the ability to ask (and to have answered) any questions they have about the admissions process any time they have them. Thanks to online resources, I am available to people every day, almost all day, and can return answers to email or text messages usually the same day. That kind of access is not usually available from the high school counselor. My advice is frank and honest, based on what I know and the experiences I've had over the last thirty years. Sometimes families don't always like the information I give them, but then, I believe that if a family hires me, my obligation is to be as straight with them as I can. My web site details a complete list of services that I offer (www.askjohnaboutcollege.com), ranging from planning which standardized tests to take to crafting an excellent college essay for the applications.
As with most independent counselors, I make quick connections with kids. My goal is to help them discover and present their strengths and talents, giving them confidence in their abilities along the way. Of course, a good high school counselor will do that, too.
Your task as parents is to evaluate if the high school counselor is meeting all your needs. Many can and do, but just as many can't and don't and usually for no fault of their own. High school counselors are the closest thing we have to angels, and they often have impossible jobs. Be their friend. Bake them cookies. Let them know that you appreciate their work.
Let me know if the information here was useful for you.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Senior Year is Here!
I don't know where you are in this great big beautiful world, but I'm in St. Louis, Missouri, and it's the middle of August and it's HOT. I mean, really HOT--temperatures in the upper 90's and even reaching 101 the other day. Good lord!
Anyway, in the middle of all this hotness (can I say "hotness"?), it's also time for many kids to be heading back to school, which means that moms get some time to themselves again soon. And that's cool. In fact, that may be the coolness that you need right about now.
Of course, whether or not it's hot or cool has nothing to do with college, but the fact that your kids are heading back to junior or senior year does. Over the next couple of months, I'll have lots of specific info for you all about how to sail through this process, largely in response to the questions I receive from moms. For this week, though, just two things. Two things for moms of seniors.
One: When you have a chance, and it should be sooner than later though, get your kid to sit down with you to talk about SAT and ACT scores. And by scores, I don't mean evaluating how good or not good they are; I mean, find out if your son or daughter is finished with testing from junior year. Chances are she isn't (or he isn't.) That means that you need to get to the ACT website (www.act.org) or the College Board website for SAT (www.collegeboard.com) and register for fall tests. Check your family calendar, your school calendar, and your kid's calendar to see if you need to clear conflicts, and make sure your kid is registered to take ACT or SAT in the fall if he still needs to. This is an excellent opportunity to get the input of your kid's counselor, too. But keep it focused on testing.
It's easy. Just register. Every year, I talk with kids who put this off and miss the deadline for registration. Either that, or the test center where they had hoped to take the test is already full. Of course, there are still options if one of those scenarios occurs for you--ie, paying a huge fee to go "stand-by," but there's already enough stress, so let's de-stress by registering now. That's all I'm talking about--registering. Later, we can focus on test-prep if we still need it, scores, subject tests, if your kid needs them, and so on.
Two: Don't make senior year all about college. I know that sounds a little contradictory, but there is a difference between being organized and having every conversation be about what your kid needs to do to get admitted to college. One good idea for many families is to have a regular set time to get together to talk about college issues--say once a week, but then the rest of the week is college-free talk time. (You'll be amazed at the dinnertime arguments this technique eliminates.) Trust me, the subject is looming over your kid's head without you bringing it up. I'll write more about this later in the fall, too. For now, however, I just want to suggest that you be mindful of how often you initiate conversations about college. Hey, if your kid wants to talk, by all means, talk, talk about anything, but what often happens is that it is the parent who brings the topic up often, and in a kid's mind it sometimes looks like nagging.
I realize I've suggested that you walk a tightrope, and I know that at times it will feel like an impossible thing to do, but you can do it. And if you fall off the tightrope, no big deal--just dust yourself off and get back on. For now, make sure your son or daughter is registered for any further testing needed (try to have all the testing finished by December--November if your kid is looking at ED anywhere.) And then, make it clear that you don't want to manage this process for your son or daughter, but you would like to have a regular time to talk things over. Finally, and maybe most importantly, plan some time together where the goal is NOT talking about college: go to the movies together, play golf together, teach each other how to do something new, go shopping. Just don't talk about college--unless, of course, your kid brings it up. I'm a firm believer of being ready to talk to kids about anything any time they initiate the conversations.
Senior year is like no other. Hang on! And let me know what you think.
Anyway, in the middle of all this hotness (can I say "hotness"?), it's also time for many kids to be heading back to school, which means that moms get some time to themselves again soon. And that's cool. In fact, that may be the coolness that you need right about now.
Of course, whether or not it's hot or cool has nothing to do with college, but the fact that your kids are heading back to junior or senior year does. Over the next couple of months, I'll have lots of specific info for you all about how to sail through this process, largely in response to the questions I receive from moms. For this week, though, just two things. Two things for moms of seniors.
One: When you have a chance, and it should be sooner than later though, get your kid to sit down with you to talk about SAT and ACT scores. And by scores, I don't mean evaluating how good or not good they are; I mean, find out if your son or daughter is finished with testing from junior year. Chances are she isn't (or he isn't.) That means that you need to get to the ACT website (www.act.org) or the College Board website for SAT (www.collegeboard.com) and register for fall tests. Check your family calendar, your school calendar, and your kid's calendar to see if you need to clear conflicts, and make sure your kid is registered to take ACT or SAT in the fall if he still needs to. This is an excellent opportunity to get the input of your kid's counselor, too. But keep it focused on testing.
It's easy. Just register. Every year, I talk with kids who put this off and miss the deadline for registration. Either that, or the test center where they had hoped to take the test is already full. Of course, there are still options if one of those scenarios occurs for you--ie, paying a huge fee to go "stand-by," but there's already enough stress, so let's de-stress by registering now. That's all I'm talking about--registering. Later, we can focus on test-prep if we still need it, scores, subject tests, if your kid needs them, and so on.
Two: Don't make senior year all about college. I know that sounds a little contradictory, but there is a difference between being organized and having every conversation be about what your kid needs to do to get admitted to college. One good idea for many families is to have a regular set time to get together to talk about college issues--say once a week, but then the rest of the week is college-free talk time. (You'll be amazed at the dinnertime arguments this technique eliminates.) Trust me, the subject is looming over your kid's head without you bringing it up. I'll write more about this later in the fall, too. For now, however, I just want to suggest that you be mindful of how often you initiate conversations about college. Hey, if your kid wants to talk, by all means, talk, talk about anything, but what often happens is that it is the parent who brings the topic up often, and in a kid's mind it sometimes looks like nagging.
I realize I've suggested that you walk a tightrope, and I know that at times it will feel like an impossible thing to do, but you can do it. And if you fall off the tightrope, no big deal--just dust yourself off and get back on. For now, make sure your son or daughter is registered for any further testing needed (try to have all the testing finished by December--November if your kid is looking at ED anywhere.) And then, make it clear that you don't want to manage this process for your son or daughter, but you would like to have a regular time to talk things over. Finally, and maybe most importantly, plan some time together where the goal is NOT talking about college: go to the movies together, play golf together, teach each other how to do something new, go shopping. Just don't talk about college--unless, of course, your kid brings it up. I'm a firm believer of being ready to talk to kids about anything any time they initiate the conversations.
Senior year is like no other. Hang on! And let me know what you think.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Choosing a College Major
Last week in The New York Times, an article about going to med school without having taken MCATs or even having taken science courses caught my eye. I referred to it in my blog for high school students at www.askjohnaboutcollege.com.
The Mount Sinai Medical School program has a small number of reserved spaces for college graduates with degrees in the humanities or social sciences, with the idea that the very bright folks whom they admit will get their science there in medical school. I mean, those guys still have to pass medical school, so there's not much worry that they won't be qualified doctors. Instead, the idea is that people who majored in the humanities or social sciences before going to med school might be more mission-focused and more people-oriented. Anyway, it's an interesting way to think about what has forever been a very traditional approach to medicine.
It got me thinking, though, that a lot of what we do as adults is often not related to what we study at the undergraduate level. Obviously, there are exceptions in very specific areas, but the reason that many people are successful in their careers isn't so much because of what they studied in college, but who they are and what they learned. And no matter what our kids decide to choose as a major, what we should hope that they learn is this: how to ask questions, how to analyze critical data, how to interact with others intellectually, and how to present their ideas to the world. If they learn that, then our kids will be successful in careers that don't even exist yet.
I'm going to survey some people I know to see whose careers are directly connected to their undergraduate majors and whose aren't. I'd love to include you, too. Anonymously, of course.
The whole point of this line of thinking, however, is that as adults we need to encourage kids to be open about what subjects they think they might tackle in college. Soon enough, everyone will be asking them, "Hey, kid, what's your major?" For now, anyway, Undecided is a terrific option.
I'll post the informal survey results in the next blog entry. Remember, you can email me questions whenever you like: askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com.
Thanks.
The Mount Sinai Medical School program has a small number of reserved spaces for college graduates with degrees in the humanities or social sciences, with the idea that the very bright folks whom they admit will get their science there in medical school. I mean, those guys still have to pass medical school, so there's not much worry that they won't be qualified doctors. Instead, the idea is that people who majored in the humanities or social sciences before going to med school might be more mission-focused and more people-oriented. Anyway, it's an interesting way to think about what has forever been a very traditional approach to medicine.
It got me thinking, though, that a lot of what we do as adults is often not related to what we study at the undergraduate level. Obviously, there are exceptions in very specific areas, but the reason that many people are successful in their careers isn't so much because of what they studied in college, but who they are and what they learned. And no matter what our kids decide to choose as a major, what we should hope that they learn is this: how to ask questions, how to analyze critical data, how to interact with others intellectually, and how to present their ideas to the world. If they learn that, then our kids will be successful in careers that don't even exist yet.
I'm going to survey some people I know to see whose careers are directly connected to their undergraduate majors and whose aren't. I'd love to include you, too. Anonymously, of course.
The whole point of this line of thinking, however, is that as adults we need to encourage kids to be open about what subjects they think they might tackle in college. Soon enough, everyone will be asking them, "Hey, kid, what's your major?" For now, anyway, Undecided is a terrific option.
I'll post the informal survey results in the next blog entry. Remember, you can email me questions whenever you like: askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com.
Thanks.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Words of Summer
How's everyone's summer reading going? I hope you and your kids are enjoying the month of July. I used to write that I hoped people were enjoying the slower pace of summer, but then I realized for many people, summer is often more hectic because you've got kids' schedules to deal with--things like camps, summer programs, part-time jobs, lessons, softball, learning to drive, and so on. Many moms have told me that they look forward to fall so they can relax a little! Even kids these days cram tons of activities into their summers, and as a result, summer often is over before we realize it has begun.
Whatever your summer is looking like, I do hope you've found time for reading--both for yourself and for your kids. Letting your kids see you read is a great way to encourage them to read, too. And one of the best things they can do in the way of test-prep is to read for pleasure. Reading builds vocabularies and opens us to new worlds. I still remember the first lines of an Emily Dickinson poem that I read in high school: "There is no frigate like a book / To take us Lands away." Pretty much a recluse herself, Dickinson writes about travel to faraway places in the mind. I love the idea.
No matter what grade your kids will be in when school starts, vocabulary building is a good thing to be doing with them now. Of course, that comes from reading, but it can also come from family vocabulary projects. The simplest one, I think, is to post a word-a-day calendar somewhere in your house. Probably the kitchen is the best place, near or on the fridge, where your kids will see it. Some families tear the words off, one day at a time, and take them to the dinner table to talk about, or tape them to the bathroom mirror to reinforce the learning experience. A fun thing is to take a few of the words and make a game out of using them in conversations about something else as often as possible. Anything to get kids to play with language will expand how they use language and help them to remember new words. Tell a kid, for example, that you have a robust appetite or a hankering for chocolate chip cookies, and ask them to use the words in a different way.
Some families read newspapers or magazines together. This is another great way to encourage conversation about vocabulary. Once a week, you can ask kids to bring to the table two or three new words they found in news articles--either in print or electronically. If you're really brave, you can challenge your kids to find three words in a story that they think you can't define, and then you all learn a little bit from that venture.
Speaking of electronically, I've enjoyed reading a few things online this summer. It's easier to read on my laptop than I thought it would be, and I've even found myself downloading articles on my phone while waiting for appointments. Book venders are pushing all kinds of reading devices on us now, and I'm eager to see which ones stick around.
If you travel abroad, of if your kid is studying a language, strive to find examples of words in a target language that are clearly connected to words in English. Watch out for false cognates, too--words that look the same in English, but have different meanings; for example, asistir in Spanish looks like "assist" but it really means "to attend" as in going to a concert. Let your kids teach you what they know about the language they're studying, and you'll open up great conversations about words. Often, a word in a foreign language will trigger the learning of a new word in English due to the way languages develop and have been influenced. A trip to an Arabic country, for example, will quickly lend itself to a conversation about Spanish vocabulary, much of which is taken from Arabic. A follow-up then would be for kids to see how many words in English might be connected to those Spanish or Arabic roots. A little geeky, yes, but this can really be fun, too.
Whatever you do this summer, remember to take time for the physical act of reading. It slows us down, it opens interior doors, it gives us a break. And remember that the best thing your kids can do to improve their skill and enjoyment of reading is to read, too. So, grab a book, a magazine, a laptop--whatever, and enjoy a few moments of time for yourself this month.
Let me know what you think!
Whatever your summer is looking like, I do hope you've found time for reading--both for yourself and for your kids. Letting your kids see you read is a great way to encourage them to read, too. And one of the best things they can do in the way of test-prep is to read for pleasure. Reading builds vocabularies and opens us to new worlds. I still remember the first lines of an Emily Dickinson poem that I read in high school: "There is no frigate like a book / To take us Lands away." Pretty much a recluse herself, Dickinson writes about travel to faraway places in the mind. I love the idea.
No matter what grade your kids will be in when school starts, vocabulary building is a good thing to be doing with them now. Of course, that comes from reading, but it can also come from family vocabulary projects. The simplest one, I think, is to post a word-a-day calendar somewhere in your house. Probably the kitchen is the best place, near or on the fridge, where your kids will see it. Some families tear the words off, one day at a time, and take them to the dinner table to talk about, or tape them to the bathroom mirror to reinforce the learning experience. A fun thing is to take a few of the words and make a game out of using them in conversations about something else as often as possible. Anything to get kids to play with language will expand how they use language and help them to remember new words. Tell a kid, for example, that you have a robust appetite or a hankering for chocolate chip cookies, and ask them to use the words in a different way.
Some families read newspapers or magazines together. This is another great way to encourage conversation about vocabulary. Once a week, you can ask kids to bring to the table two or three new words they found in news articles--either in print or electronically. If you're really brave, you can challenge your kids to find three words in a story that they think you can't define, and then you all learn a little bit from that venture.
Speaking of electronically, I've enjoyed reading a few things online this summer. It's easier to read on my laptop than I thought it would be, and I've even found myself downloading articles on my phone while waiting for appointments. Book venders are pushing all kinds of reading devices on us now, and I'm eager to see which ones stick around.
If you travel abroad, of if your kid is studying a language, strive to find examples of words in a target language that are clearly connected to words in English. Watch out for false cognates, too--words that look the same in English, but have different meanings; for example, asistir in Spanish looks like "assist" but it really means "to attend" as in going to a concert. Let your kids teach you what they know about the language they're studying, and you'll open up great conversations about words. Often, a word in a foreign language will trigger the learning of a new word in English due to the way languages develop and have been influenced. A trip to an Arabic country, for example, will quickly lend itself to a conversation about Spanish vocabulary, much of which is taken from Arabic. A follow-up then would be for kids to see how many words in English might be connected to those Spanish or Arabic roots. A little geeky, yes, but this can really be fun, too.
Whatever you do this summer, remember to take time for the physical act of reading. It slows us down, it opens interior doors, it gives us a break. And remember that the best thing your kids can do to improve their skill and enjoyment of reading is to read, too. So, grab a book, a magazine, a laptop--whatever, and enjoy a few moments of time for yourself this month.
Let me know what you think!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Getting Admitted with Good Works?
I posted this last week on my blog for students, but I think the info is also useful for parents--at least, given how many times parents ask me about community service. So, Mom, here is what I say to kids about community service:
One of the guys at my favorite cafe in St. Louis (Park Avenue Coffee in Lafayette Square--definitely worth checking out) is a guy with a big personality who remembers your name and what you ordered last time you were in. It’s part of the cafe’s excellent marketing strategy, I’m sure, to make the customers feel like they’re part of the neighborhood community, and it works. Park Avenue Coffee is a cool place where friends meet to study together, have some gooey butter cake, or just hang out. And the coffee is great, too.
There are actually several baristas who work the counter and make the drinks, and I’ve noticed that almost all of them have tattoos. The tattoos range from flowers to snakes to hearts to calligraphy. The guys always wear Park Avenue Coffee t-shirts, too, with the words Good, Good, Good on the back, referring to good coffee and good people.
So, one day, Josh, the guy who remembers my name, was preparing my drink, and he was facing away from me when I noticed that a couple of words were stenciled into the backs of his arms, just above his elbows. I couldn’t figure out exactly what they said, so I asked. (I probably wouldn’t have asked a stranger, but this guy’s been making lattes for me for a long time.)
“It’s from Isaiah,” he said. “Here am I” on one arm, and “Send me,” on the other.
Isaiah, I thought. The Bible. Kind of surprised me. But I actually remembered this passage from my childhood once Josh had mentioned it, and it made me think of our calling as humans to be good people--okay, the t-shirt connection here is a total coincidence. And what I mean by being good people is this: I think we have an obligation to volunteer to help others.
As a college counselor, I get this question all the time: how important is community service for my college application? And I want to say it’s very important and also it’s not important at all, and both answers are right. The passage from Isaiah refers to the prophet hearing the voice of the Lord calling out to him and asking whom he will find to do his work? That’s when Isaiah raises his hand and says, “I’m right here. Send me to do it.” The message I take is that wherever you are (or wherever I am) we can be raising our hands and volunteering to do something for someone else. That is a good thing.
Colleges look for many different kinds of kids, all of whom, together, will create a vibrant undergraduate community of people who are intellectually curious and have compassion about making the world a better place. One way to demonstrate your compassion is through service. However, just fulfilling a high school requirement of putting in six weekends at a soup kitchen means almost nothing if what you did wasn’t something that was meaningful to you. Admissions officers can tell right away whether the service you have listed on your application has been a priority, of if it’s just been you fulfilling your duty and padding your resume. In the case of the latter, your community service doesn’t help you a bit.
Volunteering is an important thing to do in and of itself. Yes, you should do community service but only because you WANT to do it. You should want to do it because it’s the right thing to do.
I also think people who want to “help the underprivileged” should stay as far away from community service as possible. Looking down on people is a crappy way to look at anyone, and it surely doesn’t make anybody feel better to know that someone else is doing a good deed out of pity or condescension. We should engage in making our communities better because they’re our communities.
Volunteering gives us the opportunity to do some good, but it also gives us a window through which we can look at our own lives and values. It makes us better people. If we are lucky, it may even make us Good, Good, Good (like the slogan on the Park Avenue Coffee t-shirt.)
For once, forget about your college application, and just concentrate on being a good person. I know, I know-- shocking advice.
Anyway, to wrap this up, if you’re thinking about adding community service to your application for admission to an undergraduate institution, my advice is to do so only if you think that volunteering is important work. Do it because you understand the connection between helping out and helping yourself. Do it because not doing it would leave a void in your life. Do it because it is part of who you are, part of your value system, and part of what you care about.
And finally, do it only if you can honestly and eagerly raise your hand and say, “Here am I. Send me.”
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Doctor is IN
Applying to college is a pretty straightforward process, but it can easily become tricky because of any number of factors. The key is understanding how academic major, selectivity, geography, gender, grades, extracurriculars, testing, timing, finances and presentation contribute to the possible outcome of any admissions decision.
The process is straightforward; the influence that those individual factors has on the process is what shakes things up.
This blog is really meant to give parents--specifically you moms--a resource about any of those factors that you may have questions about. That way, when you talk to your kid, or your kid's counselor, you know what you're talking about--or at the very least you know which questions to ask.
Many times, in my traditional role as a college counselor, I've seen kids say, "Mom, it doesn't work that way," or worse, "Mom, you don't know what you're talking about," effectively shutting down the communication that you, MOM, want to keep open.
I launched this project about a month ago, and I've received a lot of positive feedback, but what I haven't received is very many specific questions from moms yet. I understand that it's summer, and that once school begins, things will heat up, but if you're reading this now, do a mom you know a favor and forward it to her.
So, I hope you moms will use this forum to ask questions. I'm serious about sharing what I know. If you'd rather send me a message directly, my email address is askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com. We can talk about anything you want.
I also have a blog for high school juniors and seniors on my website: www.askjohnaboutcollege.com. Last week I talked about using Twitter feeds as a way to learn about colleges and this week I'll be talking about the importance of service. You can check those out, too.
Hope to hear from you soon.
The process is straightforward; the influence that those individual factors has on the process is what shakes things up.
This blog is really meant to give parents--specifically you moms--a resource about any of those factors that you may have questions about. That way, when you talk to your kid, or your kid's counselor, you know what you're talking about--or at the very least you know which questions to ask.
Many times, in my traditional role as a college counselor, I've seen kids say, "Mom, it doesn't work that way," or worse, "Mom, you don't know what you're talking about," effectively shutting down the communication that you, MOM, want to keep open.
I launched this project about a month ago, and I've received a lot of positive feedback, but what I haven't received is very many specific questions from moms yet. I understand that it's summer, and that once school begins, things will heat up, but if you're reading this now, do a mom you know a favor and forward it to her.
So, I hope you moms will use this forum to ask questions. I'm serious about sharing what I know. If you'd rather send me a message directly, my email address is askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com. We can talk about anything you want.
I also have a blog for high school juniors and seniors on my website: www.askjohnaboutcollege.com. Last week I talked about using Twitter feeds as a way to learn about colleges and this week I'll be talking about the importance of service. You can check those out, too.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Summer College Visits
Summer and the heat index is well over 100 this week! Makes me wonder about laws of physics I never really ever learned or understood when I was in high school, but one sure law has to be that when it gets hotter, families get cranky more easily.
Now, not to be negative--because one of the purposes of this blog is to encourage you, dear mothers, but am I wrong here? I think back to my own childhood family vacations in the car--our car, by the way was a way cool sporty '66 Mustang with bucket seats and a black vinyl roof and almost no backseat to mention at all. Yet it was that tiny space that my sister and I were relegated to during every car trip together, and of course, there was no air conditioning, and it was summer, and we all got crabby. Really crabby. We would drive nine hours to my grandma's house every summer. In the heat. Crabby.
My mom was the champion of moms, though, keeping us entertained with games and books and ice-cold sodas she mysteriously produced from the enormous "mom purse" that went everywhere with her. This was way before i-pods and gameboys and even Pac-Man, obviously. Nonetheless, the heat got to us eventually and somebody nearly always cried--usually me.
Anyway, it's summer and I keep thinking about the thousands of high school kids who are making treks to visit college campuses with their parents now. I wonder about how it's going with all of them. I think about the ways they must each be excited and nervous and hopeful and scared all at once. And I wonder if the heat aggravates any of the experiences the way it stirred up my own family molecules when I was a kid.
I'll write more about visiting campuses in the future, and I'm happy to take on any questions about campus visits, too, but for now, I guess I just want to tell moms and dads that you're not alone out there. It may seem like just yesterday your kid was pulling your sleeve to show you a bug she had just discovered or crying for you to pick him up, and now that same kid probably wants you to keep your questions to yourself during each campus tour and info session so he or she won't DIE of embarrassment. Zip--where did the time go?
And you're wondering how in the world will you all make it through this almost final transition of adolescence--meaning: the money, the finding the right school, the money, getting admitted, the money, growing apart, the money, graduating from high school, the money, and moving away. Yeah, it's a lot to think about. And my guess is that though the college visits can be lots of fun, the heat might also be stirring you up in ways that might be surprising you.
That is all perfectly natural.
So, make the effort to have fun walking around those campuses, seeing the libraries and the climbing walls, the dining stations and the yoga studios, the new science centers and the old stone buildings. Maybe you'll want to be guarded with your credit card when you get to the campus bookstore, where you'll buy everything except books. (You can buy those t-shirts on-line once you're child is admitted!)
Savor these trips to colleges together and ask your kids what THEY liked best at each campus, what THEY were surprised by, what do THEY think it might feel like to live here--without necessarily offering your own take on things. For now. Then take my mom's example, and pull out some gigantic frozen soy-mocha-frappy-latte from your purse and fight the heat together. But mostly, have fun.
Summer!
Now, not to be negative--because one of the purposes of this blog is to encourage you, dear mothers, but am I wrong here? I think back to my own childhood family vacations in the car--our car, by the way was a way cool sporty '66 Mustang with bucket seats and a black vinyl roof and almost no backseat to mention at all. Yet it was that tiny space that my sister and I were relegated to during every car trip together, and of course, there was no air conditioning, and it was summer, and we all got crabby. Really crabby. We would drive nine hours to my grandma's house every summer. In the heat. Crabby.
My mom was the champion of moms, though, keeping us entertained with games and books and ice-cold sodas she mysteriously produced from the enormous "mom purse" that went everywhere with her. This was way before i-pods and gameboys and even Pac-Man, obviously. Nonetheless, the heat got to us eventually and somebody nearly always cried--usually me.
Anyway, it's summer and I keep thinking about the thousands of high school kids who are making treks to visit college campuses with their parents now. I wonder about how it's going with all of them. I think about the ways they must each be excited and nervous and hopeful and scared all at once. And I wonder if the heat aggravates any of the experiences the way it stirred up my own family molecules when I was a kid.
I'll write more about visiting campuses in the future, and I'm happy to take on any questions about campus visits, too, but for now, I guess I just want to tell moms and dads that you're not alone out there. It may seem like just yesterday your kid was pulling your sleeve to show you a bug she had just discovered or crying for you to pick him up, and now that same kid probably wants you to keep your questions to yourself during each campus tour and info session so he or she won't DIE of embarrassment. Zip--where did the time go?
And you're wondering how in the world will you all make it through this almost final transition of adolescence--meaning: the money, the finding the right school, the money, getting admitted, the money, growing apart, the money, graduating from high school, the money, and moving away. Yeah, it's a lot to think about. And my guess is that though the college visits can be lots of fun, the heat might also be stirring you up in ways that might be surprising you.
That is all perfectly natural.
So, make the effort to have fun walking around those campuses, seeing the libraries and the climbing walls, the dining stations and the yoga studios, the new science centers and the old stone buildings. Maybe you'll want to be guarded with your credit card when you get to the campus bookstore, where you'll buy everything except books. (You can buy those t-shirts on-line once you're child is admitted!)
Savor these trips to colleges together and ask your kids what THEY liked best at each campus, what THEY were surprised by, what do THEY think it might feel like to live here--without necessarily offering your own take on things. For now. Then take my mom's example, and pull out some gigantic frozen soy-mocha-frappy-latte from your purse and fight the heat together. But mostly, have fun.
Summer!
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