Meet Your High School Counselor

Last week I wrote about independent counselors; this week I want to write about your kid's high school counselor--or rather, your relationship with that person.  Right from the start, I'm going to say that the high school counselor's job is a tough one--often rewarding, but more often thankless.  I think many parents don't have a clear understanding of what a counselor's role is--especially in college admissions.  I'm hoping to clarify a little bit here.

Depending on the size of the high school, most counselors are charged with getting to know anywhere from ten to 400 students (or more.)  The encounters that counselors have with students are sometimes deep and intense, allowing a real relationship to develop--and that is usually a good thing.  And sometimes those encounters are short and superficial.  It all depends on a dozen or so factors, the largest of which is your counselor's case load.

I think the best way for parents to consider the counselor's role is to understand that he or she is an advocate for kids.  Almost every counselor will say that he would like to have the time and means to know kids on a deeper level, but it's still pretty impressive the way that most counselors are able to connect quickly and meaningfully with many kids through short or impromptu meetings.  When parents take the attitude that the counselor's desire to help is genuine, things always run more smoothly.  That doesn't mean you might disagree about something, but make the effort to let your counselor know that you appreciate having him or her as an advocate.

At many schools, the counselor's knowledge of a student is limited to a file that contains standardized test scores, discipline reports, academic progress reports, report cards, and notes about scheduling.  If you're lucky, your kid's file also contains notes from faculty, notes from other counselors, samples of your son or daughter's writing, photos, questionnaires he or she has filled out, notes from previous meetings, and other info that will help create a picture of who your child is.

The counselor's charge is to look out for your kid's best interests, and most of them whom I know take that charge very seriously.  The info they collect is meant to help them do that.  Trust them--they went into this line of work because they care about kids.

Something that helps counselors get to know kids in a different way is when they get to know you.  So, at some point during each school year, my suggestion is to make an appointment to sit down with your high school counselor.  Some schools encourage this kind of meeting and do it regularly and often; at other schools, the counselor is so swamped, that if all the parents decided to make appointments, then the counselors would never be able to do their work.  Regardless, my advice is to let your kid's high school counselor or college counselor know you.

Make yourself an ally right away. Let the counselor know that  you appreciate his or her work, and that you are happy to have one additional adult take an interest in your kid's well being. Share with the counselor anything that will help that person understand how your child learns best or anything that might explain behavior at school.  Explain, without going into too many personal details, anything that you think is important for someone to know about your son or daughter.  Keep your meeting upbeat and brief, but at the same time ask all the questions you have.  Let the counselor know that he or she can call or email you with questions or information any time, and that you care about what happens to your kid at school.

Too many parents take the attitude that once their kid is in high school, he is old enough to handle things on his own.  There's some truth to that, but not a lot, frankly.  And regardless how capable your child is, YOU are still the parent.  In my mind, that means being involved all four years of high school.

When it comes time to talk about the college admissions  process, ask what you can be doing to help move it along.  Keep in mind that applying to college is your kid's thing, not yours, but also remember that it is good parenting to keep an eye on the process, giving support when your kid needs it.  The high school counselor can suggest ways for you to do this.

Here's another role the high school counselor plays, and it's perfectly okay for you to ask questions about this part:  When your kid applies to college, one essential piece of information that the colleges will want is an official statement from your son or daughter's high school, and one that is usually signed or verified by a high school counselor.  Sometimes it's just a simple transcript of grades, but if your kid is applying to a private college or to a selective state college, chances are good that the institution will also require a written statement from the counselor about your son or daughter.

The form that the statement can take ranges as do high schools across the country.  In some places, it is a brief form letter, saying that the kid hasn't hurt anyone, and other places, the statement consists of richly crafted prose highlighting your prodigy's intellectual achievements from grade nine onward.  In any case, the preparation of this statement will go more easily when the high school counselor feels that he knows your kid well, and you can help with that by meeting him or her once or twice during the school year,

In my last post, I added a light touch by suggesting you bake cookies for your kid's counselor.  Well, you don't have to bake cookies, obviously, but a small gesture of some appreciate goes a long way with someone whose job is endless, often thankless, and very, very important.  Get to know your high school counselor.  You'll be glad you did.

Let me know what you think.