Last week I wrote about independent counselors; this week I want to write about your kid's high school counselor--or rather, your relationship with that person. Right from the start, I'm going to say that the high school counselor's job is a tough one--often rewarding, but more often thankless. I think many parents don't have a clear understanding of what a counselor's role is--especially in college admissions. I'm hoping to clarify a little bit here.
Depending on the size of the high school, most counselors are charged with getting to know anywhere from ten to 400 students (or more.) The encounters that counselors have with students are sometimes deep and intense, allowing a real relationship to develop--and that is usually a good thing. And sometimes those encounters are short and superficial. It all depends on a dozen or so factors, the largest of which is your counselor's case load.
I think the best way for parents to consider the counselor's role is to understand that he or she is an advocate for kids. Almost every counselor will say that he would like to have the time and means to know kids on a deeper level, but it's still pretty impressive the way that most counselors are able to connect quickly and meaningfully with many kids through short or impromptu meetings. When parents take the attitude that the counselor's desire to help is genuine, things always run more smoothly. That doesn't mean you might disagree about something, but make the effort to let your counselor know that you appreciate having him or her as an advocate.
At many schools, the counselor's knowledge of a student is limited to a file that contains standardized test scores, discipline reports, academic progress reports, report cards, and notes about scheduling. If you're lucky, your kid's file also contains notes from faculty, notes from other counselors, samples of your son or daughter's writing, photos, questionnaires he or she has filled out, notes from previous meetings, and other info that will help create a picture of who your child is.
The counselor's charge is to look out for your kid's best interests, and most of them whom I know take that charge very seriously. The info they collect is meant to help them do that. Trust them--they went into this line of work because they care about kids.
Something that helps counselors get to know kids in a different way is when they get to know you. So, at some point during each school year, my suggestion is to make an appointment to sit down with your high school counselor. Some schools encourage this kind of meeting and do it regularly and often; at other schools, the counselor is so swamped, that if all the parents decided to make appointments, then the counselors would never be able to do their work. Regardless, my advice is to let your kid's high school counselor or college counselor know you.
Make yourself an ally right away. Let the counselor know that you appreciate his or her work, and that you are happy to have one additional adult take an interest in your kid's well being. Share with the counselor anything that will help that person understand how your child learns best or anything that might explain behavior at school. Explain, without going into too many personal details, anything that you think is important for someone to know about your son or daughter. Keep your meeting upbeat and brief, but at the same time ask all the questions you have. Let the counselor know that he or she can call or email you with questions or information any time, and that you care about what happens to your kid at school.
Too many parents take the attitude that once their kid is in high school, he is old enough to handle things on his own. There's some truth to that, but not a lot, frankly. And regardless how capable your child is, YOU are still the parent. In my mind, that means being involved all four years of high school.
When it comes time to talk about the college admissions process, ask what you can be doing to help move it along. Keep in mind that applying to college is your kid's thing, not yours, but also remember that it is good parenting to keep an eye on the process, giving support when your kid needs it. The high school counselor can suggest ways for you to do this.
Here's another role the high school counselor plays, and it's perfectly okay for you to ask questions about this part: When your kid applies to college, one essential piece of information that the colleges will want is an official statement from your son or daughter's high school, and one that is usually signed or verified by a high school counselor. Sometimes it's just a simple transcript of grades, but if your kid is applying to a private college or to a selective state college, chances are good that the institution will also require a written statement from the counselor about your son or daughter.
The form that the statement can take ranges as do high schools across the country. In some places, it is a brief form letter, saying that the kid hasn't hurt anyone, and other places, the statement consists of richly crafted prose highlighting your prodigy's intellectual achievements from grade nine onward. In any case, the preparation of this statement will go more easily when the high school counselor feels that he knows your kid well, and you can help with that by meeting him or her once or twice during the school year,
In my last post, I added a light touch by suggesting you bake cookies for your kid's counselor. Well, you don't have to bake cookies, obviously, but a small gesture of some appreciate goes a long way with someone whose job is endless, often thankless, and very, very important. Get to know your high school counselor. You'll be glad you did.
Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
When Should I Consult an Independent Counselor?
I've been getting questions lately about the difference between a high school counselor and an independent counselor--good questions that merit some explanation, so here goes.
Your son or daughter's high school counselor is the "official" connection between your family and college. In an ideal world, that person would know you and your kid really well, would have vast counselor resources to help you through any transition you might need help with, and would have first-hand knowledge of many different colleges. The high school counselor's role is an important one, and it is only from the high school counselor that most colleges will accept an official counselor recommendation and official transcripts.
An independent counselor, on the other hand, offers nothing "official" to colleges though he probably has many connections to admissions offices and understands the nuances of the admissions process at a very high level. The independent counselor is an additional resource for families who are looking for every opportunity available to them and their son or daughter in the college admissions process.
I've been both a high school counselor and an independent counselor, and what I see as the main difference has more to do with time and resources than anything else. The role of an independent counselor should not be to replace the high school counselor, but to offer a family a second point of view so that the family can have access to as much information as possible in order to come to good decisions.
In some schools, the college advising is so good that there is little need for an additional or independent counselor, yet some families go that route anyway just to assure themselves that they're looking at all the right angles of admissions for their son or daughter. Nothing wrong with that.
At many schools the individual counselor's student load prevents her from being able to know all of her students as well as she might like to. A counselor's assignment can range from 10 kids a year at some independent schools to as many as 400 kids a year or more in some public schools. If your kid's high school counselor is working with more than 100 kids, then it might be good to ask yourself how much attention is that person going to be able to give to your son or daughter.
One factor that influences many parents to choose an independent counselor is also related to school resources. Few counselors in schools are able to travel as much as they would like to in order to visit college campuses and learn about admissions trends and special programs at various colleges and universities. Those that do tend to be from schools where the budget allows for that kind of travel, but the reality of today's economy is that fewer and fewer high school counselors have the financial support from their own institutions to make as many visits as you would probably like them to.
Some high school counselors have specific backgrounds in guidance and facilitating support for kids with special needs. That can mean that their specific experience or knowledge related to college admissions might be limited. I've met many wonderful high school counselors who don't know, for example, anything about trends in admissions or changes in SAT and ACT testing. In some cases, the schools where they work assign the college advising piece to them as an additional part of their responsibilities. For most independent counselors, college advising is the primary part of what they do.
Some high school counselors also teach classes, and obviously that means less time available for college counseling.
One counselor I interviewed a few years ago knew a lot about colleges in her own state but almost nothing about national universities or liberal arts colleges. Given that almost all of her students attended college in state, that was fine, but when a family was interested in sending their child to the East Coast, they had to look elsewhere for expertise.
Most high school counselors work very hard and are eager to help your children, but the reality is also that they are overextended at most schools, making valiant efforts to do an impossible job some days. The are often under-appreciated, too. An independent counselor recognizes that and approaches his job from the point of view that what he offers is an opportunity for families to have more immediate access to information and, at times, a greater range of suggestions and options to consider.
As an independent counselor, I offer families the ability to ask (and to have answered) any questions they have about the admissions process any time they have them. Thanks to online resources, I am available to people every day, almost all day, and can return answers to email or text messages usually the same day. That kind of access is not usually available from the high school counselor. My advice is frank and honest, based on what I know and the experiences I've had over the last thirty years. Sometimes families don't always like the information I give them, but then, I believe that if a family hires me, my obligation is to be as straight with them as I can. My web site details a complete list of services that I offer (www.askjohnaboutcollege.com), ranging from planning which standardized tests to take to crafting an excellent college essay for the applications.
As with most independent counselors, I make quick connections with kids. My goal is to help them discover and present their strengths and talents, giving them confidence in their abilities along the way. Of course, a good high school counselor will do that, too.
Your task as parents is to evaluate if the high school counselor is meeting all your needs. Many can and do, but just as many can't and don't and usually for no fault of their own. High school counselors are the closest thing we have to angels, and they often have impossible jobs. Be their friend. Bake them cookies. Let them know that you appreciate their work.
Let me know if the information here was useful for you.
Your son or daughter's high school counselor is the "official" connection between your family and college. In an ideal world, that person would know you and your kid really well, would have vast counselor resources to help you through any transition you might need help with, and would have first-hand knowledge of many different colleges. The high school counselor's role is an important one, and it is only from the high school counselor that most colleges will accept an official counselor recommendation and official transcripts.
An independent counselor, on the other hand, offers nothing "official" to colleges though he probably has many connections to admissions offices and understands the nuances of the admissions process at a very high level. The independent counselor is an additional resource for families who are looking for every opportunity available to them and their son or daughter in the college admissions process.
I've been both a high school counselor and an independent counselor, and what I see as the main difference has more to do with time and resources than anything else. The role of an independent counselor should not be to replace the high school counselor, but to offer a family a second point of view so that the family can have access to as much information as possible in order to come to good decisions.
In some schools, the college advising is so good that there is little need for an additional or independent counselor, yet some families go that route anyway just to assure themselves that they're looking at all the right angles of admissions for their son or daughter. Nothing wrong with that.
At many schools the individual counselor's student load prevents her from being able to know all of her students as well as she might like to. A counselor's assignment can range from 10 kids a year at some independent schools to as many as 400 kids a year or more in some public schools. If your kid's high school counselor is working with more than 100 kids, then it might be good to ask yourself how much attention is that person going to be able to give to your son or daughter.
One factor that influences many parents to choose an independent counselor is also related to school resources. Few counselors in schools are able to travel as much as they would like to in order to visit college campuses and learn about admissions trends and special programs at various colleges and universities. Those that do tend to be from schools where the budget allows for that kind of travel, but the reality of today's economy is that fewer and fewer high school counselors have the financial support from their own institutions to make as many visits as you would probably like them to.
Some high school counselors have specific backgrounds in guidance and facilitating support for kids with special needs. That can mean that their specific experience or knowledge related to college admissions might be limited. I've met many wonderful high school counselors who don't know, for example, anything about trends in admissions or changes in SAT and ACT testing. In some cases, the schools where they work assign the college advising piece to them as an additional part of their responsibilities. For most independent counselors, college advising is the primary part of what they do.
Some high school counselors also teach classes, and obviously that means less time available for college counseling.
One counselor I interviewed a few years ago knew a lot about colleges in her own state but almost nothing about national universities or liberal arts colleges. Given that almost all of her students attended college in state, that was fine, but when a family was interested in sending their child to the East Coast, they had to look elsewhere for expertise.
Most high school counselors work very hard and are eager to help your children, but the reality is also that they are overextended at most schools, making valiant efforts to do an impossible job some days. The are often under-appreciated, too. An independent counselor recognizes that and approaches his job from the point of view that what he offers is an opportunity for families to have more immediate access to information and, at times, a greater range of suggestions and options to consider.
As an independent counselor, I offer families the ability to ask (and to have answered) any questions they have about the admissions process any time they have them. Thanks to online resources, I am available to people every day, almost all day, and can return answers to email or text messages usually the same day. That kind of access is not usually available from the high school counselor. My advice is frank and honest, based on what I know and the experiences I've had over the last thirty years. Sometimes families don't always like the information I give them, but then, I believe that if a family hires me, my obligation is to be as straight with them as I can. My web site details a complete list of services that I offer (www.askjohnaboutcollege.com), ranging from planning which standardized tests to take to crafting an excellent college essay for the applications.
As with most independent counselors, I make quick connections with kids. My goal is to help them discover and present their strengths and talents, giving them confidence in their abilities along the way. Of course, a good high school counselor will do that, too.
Your task as parents is to evaluate if the high school counselor is meeting all your needs. Many can and do, but just as many can't and don't and usually for no fault of their own. High school counselors are the closest thing we have to angels, and they often have impossible jobs. Be their friend. Bake them cookies. Let them know that you appreciate their work.
Let me know if the information here was useful for you.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Senior Year is Here!
I don't know where you are in this great big beautiful world, but I'm in St. Louis, Missouri, and it's the middle of August and it's HOT. I mean, really HOT--temperatures in the upper 90's and even reaching 101 the other day. Good lord!
Anyway, in the middle of all this hotness (can I say "hotness"?), it's also time for many kids to be heading back to school, which means that moms get some time to themselves again soon. And that's cool. In fact, that may be the coolness that you need right about now.
Of course, whether or not it's hot or cool has nothing to do with college, but the fact that your kids are heading back to junior or senior year does. Over the next couple of months, I'll have lots of specific info for you all about how to sail through this process, largely in response to the questions I receive from moms. For this week, though, just two things. Two things for moms of seniors.
One: When you have a chance, and it should be sooner than later though, get your kid to sit down with you to talk about SAT and ACT scores. And by scores, I don't mean evaluating how good or not good they are; I mean, find out if your son or daughter is finished with testing from junior year. Chances are she isn't (or he isn't.) That means that you need to get to the ACT website (www.act.org) or the College Board website for SAT (www.collegeboard.com) and register for fall tests. Check your family calendar, your school calendar, and your kid's calendar to see if you need to clear conflicts, and make sure your kid is registered to take ACT or SAT in the fall if he still needs to. This is an excellent opportunity to get the input of your kid's counselor, too. But keep it focused on testing.
It's easy. Just register. Every year, I talk with kids who put this off and miss the deadline for registration. Either that, or the test center where they had hoped to take the test is already full. Of course, there are still options if one of those scenarios occurs for you--ie, paying a huge fee to go "stand-by," but there's already enough stress, so let's de-stress by registering now. That's all I'm talking about--registering. Later, we can focus on test-prep if we still need it, scores, subject tests, if your kid needs them, and so on.
Two: Don't make senior year all about college. I know that sounds a little contradictory, but there is a difference between being organized and having every conversation be about what your kid needs to do to get admitted to college. One good idea for many families is to have a regular set time to get together to talk about college issues--say once a week, but then the rest of the week is college-free talk time. (You'll be amazed at the dinnertime arguments this technique eliminates.) Trust me, the subject is looming over your kid's head without you bringing it up. I'll write more about this later in the fall, too. For now, however, I just want to suggest that you be mindful of how often you initiate conversations about college. Hey, if your kid wants to talk, by all means, talk, talk about anything, but what often happens is that it is the parent who brings the topic up often, and in a kid's mind it sometimes looks like nagging.
I realize I've suggested that you walk a tightrope, and I know that at times it will feel like an impossible thing to do, but you can do it. And if you fall off the tightrope, no big deal--just dust yourself off and get back on. For now, make sure your son or daughter is registered for any further testing needed (try to have all the testing finished by December--November if your kid is looking at ED anywhere.) And then, make it clear that you don't want to manage this process for your son or daughter, but you would like to have a regular time to talk things over. Finally, and maybe most importantly, plan some time together where the goal is NOT talking about college: go to the movies together, play golf together, teach each other how to do something new, go shopping. Just don't talk about college--unless, of course, your kid brings it up. I'm a firm believer of being ready to talk to kids about anything any time they initiate the conversations.
Senior year is like no other. Hang on! And let me know what you think.
Anyway, in the middle of all this hotness (can I say "hotness"?), it's also time for many kids to be heading back to school, which means that moms get some time to themselves again soon. And that's cool. In fact, that may be the coolness that you need right about now.
Of course, whether or not it's hot or cool has nothing to do with college, but the fact that your kids are heading back to junior or senior year does. Over the next couple of months, I'll have lots of specific info for you all about how to sail through this process, largely in response to the questions I receive from moms. For this week, though, just two things. Two things for moms of seniors.
One: When you have a chance, and it should be sooner than later though, get your kid to sit down with you to talk about SAT and ACT scores. And by scores, I don't mean evaluating how good or not good they are; I mean, find out if your son or daughter is finished with testing from junior year. Chances are she isn't (or he isn't.) That means that you need to get to the ACT website (www.act.org) or the College Board website for SAT (www.collegeboard.com) and register for fall tests. Check your family calendar, your school calendar, and your kid's calendar to see if you need to clear conflicts, and make sure your kid is registered to take ACT or SAT in the fall if he still needs to. This is an excellent opportunity to get the input of your kid's counselor, too. But keep it focused on testing.
It's easy. Just register. Every year, I talk with kids who put this off and miss the deadline for registration. Either that, or the test center where they had hoped to take the test is already full. Of course, there are still options if one of those scenarios occurs for you--ie, paying a huge fee to go "stand-by," but there's already enough stress, so let's de-stress by registering now. That's all I'm talking about--registering. Later, we can focus on test-prep if we still need it, scores, subject tests, if your kid needs them, and so on.
Two: Don't make senior year all about college. I know that sounds a little contradictory, but there is a difference between being organized and having every conversation be about what your kid needs to do to get admitted to college. One good idea for many families is to have a regular set time to get together to talk about college issues--say once a week, but then the rest of the week is college-free talk time. (You'll be amazed at the dinnertime arguments this technique eliminates.) Trust me, the subject is looming over your kid's head without you bringing it up. I'll write more about this later in the fall, too. For now, however, I just want to suggest that you be mindful of how often you initiate conversations about college. Hey, if your kid wants to talk, by all means, talk, talk about anything, but what often happens is that it is the parent who brings the topic up often, and in a kid's mind it sometimes looks like nagging.
I realize I've suggested that you walk a tightrope, and I know that at times it will feel like an impossible thing to do, but you can do it. And if you fall off the tightrope, no big deal--just dust yourself off and get back on. For now, make sure your son or daughter is registered for any further testing needed (try to have all the testing finished by December--November if your kid is looking at ED anywhere.) And then, make it clear that you don't want to manage this process for your son or daughter, but you would like to have a regular time to talk things over. Finally, and maybe most importantly, plan some time together where the goal is NOT talking about college: go to the movies together, play golf together, teach each other how to do something new, go shopping. Just don't talk about college--unless, of course, your kid brings it up. I'm a firm believer of being ready to talk to kids about anything any time they initiate the conversations.
Senior year is like no other. Hang on! And let me know what you think.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Choosing a College Major
Last week in The New York Times, an article about going to med school without having taken MCATs or even having taken science courses caught my eye. I referred to it in my blog for high school students at www.askjohnaboutcollege.com.
The Mount Sinai Medical School program has a small number of reserved spaces for college graduates with degrees in the humanities or social sciences, with the idea that the very bright folks whom they admit will get their science there in medical school. I mean, those guys still have to pass medical school, so there's not much worry that they won't be qualified doctors. Instead, the idea is that people who majored in the humanities or social sciences before going to med school might be more mission-focused and more people-oriented. Anyway, it's an interesting way to think about what has forever been a very traditional approach to medicine.
It got me thinking, though, that a lot of what we do as adults is often not related to what we study at the undergraduate level. Obviously, there are exceptions in very specific areas, but the reason that many people are successful in their careers isn't so much because of what they studied in college, but who they are and what they learned. And no matter what our kids decide to choose as a major, what we should hope that they learn is this: how to ask questions, how to analyze critical data, how to interact with others intellectually, and how to present their ideas to the world. If they learn that, then our kids will be successful in careers that don't even exist yet.
I'm going to survey some people I know to see whose careers are directly connected to their undergraduate majors and whose aren't. I'd love to include you, too. Anonymously, of course.
The whole point of this line of thinking, however, is that as adults we need to encourage kids to be open about what subjects they think they might tackle in college. Soon enough, everyone will be asking them, "Hey, kid, what's your major?" For now, anyway, Undecided is a terrific option.
I'll post the informal survey results in the next blog entry. Remember, you can email me questions whenever you like: askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com.
Thanks.
The Mount Sinai Medical School program has a small number of reserved spaces for college graduates with degrees in the humanities or social sciences, with the idea that the very bright folks whom they admit will get their science there in medical school. I mean, those guys still have to pass medical school, so there's not much worry that they won't be qualified doctors. Instead, the idea is that people who majored in the humanities or social sciences before going to med school might be more mission-focused and more people-oriented. Anyway, it's an interesting way to think about what has forever been a very traditional approach to medicine.
It got me thinking, though, that a lot of what we do as adults is often not related to what we study at the undergraduate level. Obviously, there are exceptions in very specific areas, but the reason that many people are successful in their careers isn't so much because of what they studied in college, but who they are and what they learned. And no matter what our kids decide to choose as a major, what we should hope that they learn is this: how to ask questions, how to analyze critical data, how to interact with others intellectually, and how to present their ideas to the world. If they learn that, then our kids will be successful in careers that don't even exist yet.
I'm going to survey some people I know to see whose careers are directly connected to their undergraduate majors and whose aren't. I'd love to include you, too. Anonymously, of course.
The whole point of this line of thinking, however, is that as adults we need to encourage kids to be open about what subjects they think they might tackle in college. Soon enough, everyone will be asking them, "Hey, kid, what's your major?" For now, anyway, Undecided is a terrific option.
I'll post the informal survey results in the next blog entry. Remember, you can email me questions whenever you like: askjohnaboutcollege@gmail.com.
Thanks.
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