Winter means planning for ACTs, SATs

As January finally pushes out, I'm reminded that winter is really only half over here in the Northern hemisphere, and as much as I hate this weather, winter really is a great time for high school juniors and their parents to engage in serious thinking, talking, and planning about college.

One way to start is to make an appointment with your son or daughter's high school counselor.  Your agenda should just be simple:  review grades and PSAT or PLAN scores, and look ahead to see which standardized tests and dates are available for your child.

If, for whatever reason, your high school counselor isn't able to see you, then you can do some of this on your own, but I think it's also worth thinking about hiring outside help if you don't feel as though the high school will be able to answer all your questions or point you in the right directions.  That doesn't mean they're not doing their job; it usually means that they have to much to do or too many people to serve to spend the time on you that you wish they could.

Whether you do things on your own, with a consultant, or with your high school counselor, the first objective should be to plan ahead for the testing that your son or daughter needs to take:  SAT or ACT.  My best advice is for kids to take one of each during junior year, without having scores forwarded to any college yet, and then compare the results.  Often kids will feel more comfortable or score a little higher overall on one test versus the other.  THAT is the test, then, to retake.  And then that becomes the test score that you want to submit to colleges.

By the way, in order to do the best comparison, be sure your child signs up for the ACT with WRITING when he or she registers; it's optional with the ACT, but it's incorporated into the regular test with the SAT.  Most schools that accept either test, will require the ACT with writing.

Some kids will also need to submit SAT Subject Test scores, depending on the colleges and their requirements--another reason to begin early by searching through college websites to discover what the testing requirements are at the colleges where your son or daughter hopes to apply.  Subject tests are one-hour long and focus on specific subjects such as literature, physics, US history, math, and so on.

For juniors who are also taking an AP course, the best time to take the SAT Subject Test may also be right around the same time they are taking the AP exams--either the SAT date in May or June.  It makes sense to test then when the knowledge at the end of the course is at its freshest and when kids are already preparing for a much longer, more intensive  AP exam anyway.

So, by planning now, you can look at test dates for the remainder of the school year, compare those dates to your family calendar, and register early so that your child's testing becomes a priority.  That way, the majority of a student's college testing can be finished before senior year.  Of course, taking a fall SAT or ACT is also a good idea, but that really depends on scores from junior year and the final list of colleges you all come up with in September.  For now, for January, focus on planning and preparing for those national exams that your child will need.

Later, I'll talk about test-optional schools.  And remember, I'll always answer any question you send my way.  Thanks and good luck!

January means time to think about MONEY

Happy New Year!  I know, I'm a little behind on that--especially given that New Year's Eve was a good ten days ago.  Regardless, the new year is still in its first month, so I think it's okay to be wishing happy things for all of us.

Last year on New Year's Eve I was in Casablanca, on the final day of a wonderful trip across the northern parts of Morocco.  Worn out from all the adventurel, I had decided to go to an authentic Moroccan hammam, where I was scrubbed and washed from head to toe and then massaged; the attendants there treated me like a prince.  When I called out, "Happy New Year!" to them in English as I was leaving, they replied in Arabic, "Sana Saeeda."  I gave it my best shot and called out "Sana Saeeda" back to them, which resulted in huge smiles and laughter all around.

But enough of Morocco and New Year's and all that.  Let's talk about what the month of January means for parents of kids who are applying to college.

First, for the most part, your kid's applications should be finished by now. DONE. Submitted already.  Of course, there are a handful of schools who have a January 15 deadline, so technically, it's possible that some folks are finishing up, and many state schools accept applications until spring, but if your son or daughter wants to have the best chances of being admitted, this is the time to finish everything.  So, January should mean a temporary end to some of the craziness you've been living through the last few months.

January is also a time for your child to write back to any ED or EA schools where she or he was deferred. In the very short letter your he will send, he should thank the admissions team for giving him another opportunity to demonstrate his strengths and included any updates or additional info that wasn't sent in with the original application in early November.  This is a good time to submit first semester grades, to talk about how an athletic season ended, or to include any recognition that your son or daughter has since garnered.  (By the way, your high school will submit official grades for you, but this is a chance for your son or daughter to volunteer that information first.)

But probably the most important thing to keep in mind about January is that it is financial aid month.  If you're hoping for any kind of aid, now is when things need to get moving.  Parents must file the Free Application for Federal Student Aid or FAFSA after January 1 of the child's senior year, or in other words, now.  Some people prefer to wait until they've figured out their taxes, but my suggestion is to estimate your tax return and get the FAFSA in as soon as possible.  You can always makes adjustments later.

Colleges only have access to a certain amount of money to give away, and they start giving it away in financial aid packages as admissions decisions are made. Those who have submitted financial details earlier have a better opportunity of receiving the money before it is all gone. You can still submit a FAFSA, for example, in March or April, but by the time it is processed, the pool of aid available will have dwindled considerably.

There are dozens of helpful websites to guide you through all this, too.  Start with www.fafsa.gov.ed
and then progress on to http://www.usnews.com/sections/education/paying-for-college/.  And the best advice anyone can give you will be from the financial officers at the specific schools where your son or daughter is applying.  Become their friends.

I've also written a little more about financial aid, but in the very broadest of strokes, on my website.  You can read that entry here: http://bit.ly/f4J3R1

Happy January!

Home for the Holidays!

School's out and kids are home.  If you're the parent of high school kids, you're already used to vacation times with them at home--especially during the holidays.  But if you're the mom or dad of a first-year college student, this visit back home might surprise you.

Some parents already had a small taste of homecoming at Thanksgiving, but for many, the winter break is a roller coaster of anticipation, surprises, and also misunderstood messages.

First, whether you like it or not, the teenager who moved out in the fall is not the same kid who's coming back home for break.  At least, that is what he thinks.  In your child's mind, he or she is now fully emancipated, and has had a whole semester of pretty much being independent.  You need to understand that a "whole semester" is pretty much forever, right?  And that includes the very grown-up behavior of staying up as late as she wants to, going to class whenever she wants to, attending any parties that she wants to--you know, doing pretty much everything without checking in with Mom or Dad to see if it's okay.

Of course, in your mind, your kid is still your kid.  That's reasonable.  But don't be surprised if she casually informs you on her way to meet someone else that she won't be home until late.  And "late" may mean tomorrow.  And then she will look at you with utter and genuine shock when you remind her to be home by midnight.

Then there are the high school friends whom your son or daughter hasn't seen in months!  So, sometimes what happens is that even though your kid's laundry is home for break, his actual body is probably somewhere else, catching up with high school friends--that's right, the same friends he has seen on Facebook or has texted every single day since graduation way back in May.

Often what parents want more than anything during this time home is the last thing that kids have in mind.  So, my advice is to get ready for this, and to head off frustration by having a plan that includes talking about what you'd like to do during break.  Tell your child who is now all grown up what your expectations are for going out, coming home, drinking, and spending time with the family, but tell them in a way that includes them.

Don't make the mistake of just laying down the law.  Instead, let them know that you acknowledge the fact that they've been living independently and that you respect that, but that you also have hopes to spend some quality time with them during this break.

Ask what some of the activities are that they would like to do while they're home--both with friends and with family.  Ask them to tell you about what their plans might look like and then suggest that you both work together so that they get to see friends and stay out, but at the same time you get a commitment for some family time.  As in most things, humor and flexibility will be the key to success, and your son or daughter will take his or her cues from you.

It's a wonderful thing to have the kids home!  Even if it does seem as though they're out and about more than they are in with you.

WARNING, WARNING: high school senior in the house!

Negotiating your relationship with an adolescent is sometimes tricky, but then I don't have to tell moms that--do I?  But tricky or not, you can do it, and the reward is a good one.

I think it's tougher during senior year than any other year before that.  Your baby is probably bigger than you by now and has his or her mind focused on living completely in the moment while the rest of the world is shouting the message that adulthood is just around the corner (college, college, college!), and what you get is the potential for some pretty unusual behavior.

Senior year is the time when parents and kids lapse into the occasional "freak out" moment.  It is a natural occurrence really.  Consider this:  the sign of having been a successful parent is that your kid is ready to be independent.  That's what you've raised her to be--independent.  Able to manage life on her own.  And now that the time is almost here for that to start happening, you realize it's not really what  you wanted after all, is it?  You'd much prefer that your baby just stop growing up and stay an adorable child at home forever.  OK, I'm exaggerating, but only slightly.  Many moms tell me that what makes this a tough time is the realization that very soon, their kids really will be adults--which means leaving.  And that makes moms sad.

The reaction for many parents, then, is to apply the emergency brake.  STOP!!! And of course, that sends a conflicting message to your kid.  Increasingly, you've been adding responsibilities and freedoms, so this sudden "braking" lands on kids in weird ways.  "Mom, I'm almost 18, and I haven't had a curfew since I was a sophomore.  What's going on?"  Or, "Mom, I can drive to the dentist by myself, you know.  You don't have to come with me." Stuff like that.

But guess what?  You're not the only ones feeling conflicted here.  In fact, your kids are far more confused than you are--though they may never admit it to you directly.  Think about it:  for most of their lives, the message they've heard is "when you're an adult, . . ." and now that time is looming.  They practically are adults, and they are both excited by the prospect of all that adult freedom they've been dreaming about while simultaneously not really having much of a clue about how to manage it. Especially the boys!  Most boys are only looking at what's going on right now, not really thinking about the future.  Girls are a little better at projecting, but then when they do, they get nervous about all the uncertainty ahead.

Both boys and girls, however, do the one thing we've been preparing them to do all along, and that is suddenly (well, it usually seems as though it's suddenly), they decide to become even more independent.  And that means leaving you out of their decision-making process or not telling you what they're doing, where they're going, whom they're with.

Their actions of asserting more independence just so happen to coincide with your actions of putting on the brakes in order to hold on to them as children, and as a result, we have ample opportunities for conflict to occur.

And if that weren't enough, almost every teenager faces a moment or two during the last year of high school when he or she is actually AFRAID of what the future means.  So, right smack in the middle of all their newly discovered "adultness," they have these tiny moments of doubt or loss, and they often don't know how to handle that.  In fact, it freaks them out--but they keep it inside or they at least they think they do.  The reality is that that doubt manifests itself in mood swings, strange behavior, or occasionally wanting to be closer to you again--briefly.  Very briefly. And then they're off being their obnoxious teenaged selves once more.

So, how do you handle it?  Good question.  Let me know when you figure out the answer, and the reason I say that is because seldom are two families exactly alike.  So much of how you handle this phase of your kid's development (and yours, too, really) will depend on the patterns you've established over the  years for communicating with one another.  My first suggestion is simply to be aware of what might be happening, and that will carry you a long way.

We are the adults, so it's our responsibility to exercise judgment, patience, wisdom.  Just as we've always done.  And then I'd add one more thing, and that would be to laugh a lot at ourselves along the way.  Not at our kids, mind you, but at ourselves.  We all know that if we don't laugh, we''re very likely to cry, so personally I choose to laugh as often as I can.  Or try to.

What a great time to be a parent, really.  Let me know what you think.

Guten tag!

Today I'm writing to you from a very overheated and noisy German cafe, surrounded by über-hip and ultra-thin twenty-somethings who are all dressed like models right out of a Vogue or whatever fashion magazine it is that trendy people read.   I should add, I am not one of the trendy nor one of the hip nor anywhere even close to anything resembling skinny, so if you were to meet me here today, it would be pretty easy to figure out which one is me:  the old, bald American guy by the window.

I'm in Munich this week to talk to kids about studying in the US.  It's a city I love, and I wish I could visit here more often.  Not because of this particular cafe, mind you.  No, I'm happy to leave these venues to the kids.  I love Munich for other reasons, mostly though because it's really different from home, and thus forces me to think about things I normally might not think about.  And that's the point of this post this week.

I don't like to use the word should often, but there is certainly plenty of reasons for our kids to spend some time abroad during their college years.  Being plunked into an environment where thought and language are different is good for the brain and the soul.  There is no better way for kids to learn about point of view than to surround them with people who have a decidedly distinct point of view from what they're used to.  Granted, they don't have to study overseas for that, but being in a foreign culture is a terrific way to experience life from a new perspective.

Overseas, kids will quickly learn to negotiate the day-to-day intricacies of life in a different culture. They'll also learn new language skills and that will eventually lead to an expanded way of seeing things.  They'll test their values, maybe even their limits, and they'll come home changed.  They'll have more to offer in general and they'll be able to add "a semester in Shangai," for example, to their resume.  But more importantly, I think, is that living abroad gives kids a broader context of what the real world is.

Sure, sipping lattes among the cool people doesn't necessarily guarantee any added wisdom by itself, but waking up each day to a new language and a new set of challenges that can range from observing legal systems to business ventures or being asked to explain political issues or literary technique creates a wealth of opportunity for kids to grow, to learn, to become more equipped with dealing with current world issues once they come home.

So, a short piece today, inspired by this loud cafe on Odeonsplatz--if it were a little quieter in here, perhaps I would write more!  Talk to your kids about a semester or year abroad.  International study is a remarkable opportunity.

Let me know what you think.