Why your kids might hate fall

Happy Fall.  I'm definitely a big fan of the season:  cooler weather, gorgeous colors, pumpkins...the list goes on.  High school seniors, however, might not be such big enthusiasts for this this time of year.  For them, it's a pretty hectic couple of months.

First, there's the whole "I'm in my last year of high school" thing going on, which simultaneously scares them and thrills them.  Graduation is in sight, yet it's still far enough away in a teenaged mind to allow them to continue to act like children--highly entitled children, mind you, but children nonetheless.

Then there is the entire range of things they have to do related to college admissions:  giving up Saturdays for ACT and SAT, prepping for those tests, figuring out which schools to apply to, managing teacher recommendations, filling out applications and probably too many annoying supplements on top of that, writing and rewriting essays for the application, squeezing in a campus visit or two or three, wondering about interviews, and meeting not only with various admissions representatives on campus but also meeting with their college counselors.  That list alone is enough to keep kids crazy.

Add to that all a kid has to do if she is playing fall sports of any kind, or in the fall play, Model UN, on the debate team, campaigning for a local candidate, or living out any other commitment that many kids take on.  Some kids also work part-time or are in charge of laundry, cooking, carpools, shopping while parents work.  We all know life is complicated, but nobody knows it more than a high school senior does.

If your son or daughter is hoping to play sports at college, you can add another level of responsibility.  Recruitment is an intense and demanding process, often causing kids to have to deal with several coaches all at once, travel, maintaining or increasing performance times and goals, and sometimes enduring the sheer agony of just waiting to hear news from coaches or recruitment agencies.

It's no wonder then that we often forget the thing that kids are in high school for in the first place--you know, going to class.  Doing homework.  Getting good grades.  Hmmm.

You can be sure, however, that the admissions officers haven't forgotten that last part.  They expect that the first semester of a kid's senior year will also be a kid's best academic performance to date.  If a kid is applying early decision or early action to a competitive institution, then that is DOUBLY true.  Grades matter.

It doesn't seem fair, does it?  The same semester that kids are the busiest socially, have the most psychological growing to do as they prepare to leave the nest, and need to focus on the nuts-and-bolts process of submitting college applications is also the semester they're expected to do their best academically.  And of course, we parents "gently" remind them of all this, right?

No wonder many kids don't love fall the same way we do.  My advice?  Lots of TLC.  Ask them what you can do to help and then listen to what they tell you.  Give them permission not to get it all right all the time.  Be patient, be forgiving, be kind.  Listen.  Step back.  Breathe.

Try to see the world from their point of view; try to disconnect from your own point of view temporarily.   Practice some empathy.  Remember be good to yourself, too.  You will need to be the best you can be in order to support your kid.  I know it seems contradictory:  letting go of your opinions while taking care of yourself, but it works.

And remember that every year tens of thousands of kids and their parents survive this season.  You will, too.

Let me know what you think.  Thanks.